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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling let down

2 replies

LondonBlues · 21/02/2025 12:59

I'm in the process of moving house and without going into all the usual stressors and having to organise leave from work and care for my children so that I can get packed and sorted, basically I have a good friend who I've known for over 10 years now, who has told me she will help on at least a few occasions, but when I have reached out, she's gone off the radar. All I want is help to pack up books, kitchen stuff etc., not even lifting or lugging furniture, but again, every time I leave her a message, telling her I'm super stressed out and haven't got much done, she leaves me on read and then contacts me either hours later after the event, or the following day, middle of the night, and doesn't even mention it!

I'm not moving far, I'm in Ealing and it's a 10 minute drive to the new place, but it's still a lot of stuff to pack and move!

She's going through a difficult time, hey who isn't.... but isn't working and seems to think it's fine to send me invitations to stuff that is actually taking place on the very days I've told her I have someone taking scrap away and have to be there, or a charity is coming for a donation, or I just need to crack on. It literally is as if she hasn't heard me. Or maybe she is being intentionally evasive because she doesn't want to actually help. Then I think why did you even say it?

Am I being unreasonable to be upset? I just find it very odd behaviour.

OP posts:
Girlmom35 · 21/02/2025 13:23

I personally don't tend to rely very heavily on my friends, so I can't relate much with your disappointment. And I never expect my friends to read my messages instantly and reply within short notice, regardless of their work situation. Doesn't matter if they're home all day, every day. The world doesn't revolve around me.
And when I do actually need help, I also don't send sad needy messages and then feel upset if I'm left on read. I pick up the phone and ask: 'hey, I need this done. I'm struggling. Can you make it that day at this time and help me out? I would really appreciate it!" And if they say no, then I respect that.
I also don't expect people to memorise my schedule.
I also don't feel like my friends owe me anything. If I can't assume that they have good reasons for maintaining certain boundaries, then why are they even my friends at all?

Notahandmaid · 21/02/2025 13:52

Sorry, OP. She sounds a bit of a letdown. Not sure why she made the offer if she didn't intend to help. I'd write her off for now and see if there's anyone else who can help you. Last time I moved, I didn't ask for help and then was surprised after that so many people said they would have lent a hand if I'd asked.

Hope you get some rest and are settled into your new place soon.

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