I think he is still gambling?

[Kaya10000]

Just wondering if i could get some advice please from people who have been in similar situations?

my partner of 5 years has had a gamberling addiction most of our relationship.
Last year I left him at a event with our daughter (went out for a friend's birthday) and he decided to get drunk and neglect pur daughter. (She's 3 and a half now)

Anyway, it all came out that night.
He came back and put his hands on me (first time) he neglected our daughter to get drunk and he told me he has gambled all my savings away.

Fast forward a year, he got therapy with a gamberling awareness charity and then swore he was clean and he never would do anything to hurt us again.

A few months after, he kept talking about raffles he was taking part in of Facebook.
He won a t.v monitor and 1000 cash.
I pulled him up over this and he said "it's a little fun, I've had therapy and can control myself but, if you don't want me doing it, I won't.

Yesterday, I had a letter through the post addressed to him, something told me to open it as all his letters usually go to his mom's house. It was 2 cheque's, one for £975 and one for £1000, both dated decemeber 2024.

I phoned him and asked what it was all about? He said the have dated the cheque's wrong and they were from ages ago. I asked why I didn't know about the £975? He said he must of told me and he must of put it into the savings? He confirmed he hasn't had a play on the raffle since I again told him to pack it in in January.
I said ok then, I need to see your bank statements.... he said no. You are not seeing them, I can promise you I'm not gamberling but I'm not showing you. "It's my money.
He's constantly asking Me for money even though he earns way more than Me, so it is my business really isn't it?

Hes living at his moms since December as he had a few weeks off over xmas and didn't help out. He treated it like his holiday and left me to care for our DD.

I'm so angry at myself because I keep thinking "how about if he hasn't been gamberling? How about if I'm wrong"
I wouldn't think this crazy if I had solid proof of a bank statement but surely he would show me if he had nothing to hide.. to save our relationship?

My.family tell me to run, I private rent my flat, everything in my name. He really brings nothing to my life but I guess sharing pur daughter on special occasions hurts me inside.

I'm going out of my mind!
Anyone else been in a similar situation?

There's no relationship to save OP - he's been physically violent, got drunk and neglected a toddler and is a gambling addict - take a step back. If this was your sibling / friend, you'd not be telling them to "save" their relationship, you'd be telling them to get away from an abuser.

Nothing to add except he's defrauded you of your savings. That's a police matter.

Check your credit report too. It's not unknown for gamblers to use other people's money once their own runs out.

Gambling or not he doesn’t sound like a good partner or dad in any way.

Take it from a former gambler, he is lying. To be totally free from gambling you can’t do raffles, lotto anything like it

He will destroy your daughter’s life as well as your own if you maintain any form of relationship with him. You must sever all ties with your gambler. Gambling ruins family life.

But he is gambling. At least back in December, which was just a few weeks ago. He’s not clean.

I’m a recovering alcoholic. I’m nearly 2 years sober. But if I’d gone out on Christmas and got wasted and then moved out and lumped Dh with the kids while I chillaxed at my mum’s house, that would be pretty not sober of me. The addiction isn’t the act of playing the raffle. It’s the destruction it has on his and your lives, which is exactly what you’re experiencing now. Even if he hasn’t gambled again in January, he’s still messing up everyone’s lives, and more importantly, he’s not being accountable. No one with an addiction can just dabble. It’s chaos or it’s freedom. There is no “but just the Christmas facebook raffle..”

Well you know he's hiding things. I can't believe you have a young child together and he stays at his mum's house for long periods wtf

Leave him and secure your daughter's future from his debts.

Gambling is one of if not THE hardest addictions to overcome.

Very few addicts stay clean for very long. Its also one of the worst addictions to hurt those that love you - You have seen first hand how financially crippling it can be.

I would call myself an addict. I bet £20-£30 a week on football and have done for the last 20 years. I can keep my bets under control and never go into bookies or casinos, but even so, if someone told me to stop for a month, I don't think i could because of the buzz of excitement I get from it.

Clearly my situation is a little different, but its the same principal.

Good lord.. what does this mean have to do yo you so you will leave and protect yourself and your daughter?

He neglected her. Physically hurt you and spent all your savings. I mean this gently but you have to leave and stay gone. You owe it that your daughter is safe.

Please work on your self esteem

OP, take your daughter and leave. Gambling is an addiction and the gambler has no consideration for their family. The only thing they care about is how to gamble.
Please make a favour to yourself and leave. My mum didn’t do this and I never forgave her. She let him gamble all our money and savings. I have now gone no contact with my dad and low contact with my mum. I just built a separate life away from all this mess and I am very happy about this.