He doesn't prioritize our child?

[Kylie1000]

Hi all :)

My pattern of 5 years (father of my daughter) had 3 weeks off work over xmas, he usually work away Monday to Friday ans has been way before I met him.
This means I get DD to private day nursery before I go to work, collect her etc.

I felt like over his 3 week holiday break, he used it as his free time.
Gaming until 3am, sleeping in until 10:30 etc.

Anyway, I kicked him out and sent him to his mom's as I felt like I was dealing with a man child. (He is 36 I'm 33, DD is 3)

We spoke afterwards and we decided that we needed to work on our relationship and live separately so, he will stay at his moms.

Recently, he stopped smoking and has been taking his driving lessons and he had this theory booked so had taken 3 days off work.

In those 3 days off, he's only seen DD for a hour and a half because I popped around his parents with her?
I've asked him why he hasn't seen her (over text) and he said 'I wanted to concentrate on passing my test'

I'm ready to see him on Friday and explain, maybe he shouldn't have gone on his game all night and studied instead so he could've saw DD in the day? Or maybe get up at 9am instead of 10:30 and see her a hour before you 'revise'

I'm just absolutely fed up as he isn't fixing the problems I kicked him out for (didn't kick him out because he smoked or didn't drive- all the things he's working on)
I kicked him out because i felt like he didn't care too much to help!

I also asked him "why didn't you get your dad to drop you around after your theory test" (they live 10 mins away) and he said he didn't want to put his dad out but, he's happy to put me out!

Has anyone dealt with a person like this?
I feel like i pull him up and he says I nag, control him etc so, I just wanted some advise!
I know I'm going to be told to sump how a** but, I want him to understand why I'm so angry and I'm no good with words / confrontation).

(Sorry for any smelling mistakes etc, I've written this just before I've got DD up for nursery! Thank you)

I don’t know why you bother with him, he won’t change. Such a shame he doesn’t love you both enough to try. Move on.

When someone shows you who they are (repeatedly) believe them 🤷‍♀️

Unfortunately he isn't going to change, because ultimately, he doesn't want to. You can't teach someone to make their child a priority, they just should be.

Sorry @Kylie1000 but I think you're pissing into the wind here.

He is a selfish gobshite. They dont suddenly change. His wants will always come first.

Sad for your daughter… what a pathetic father. He should see her daily even if he gets the bus or uber!

maybe it will change if he started driving.

either way he is not the partner you want and will not change. People don’t change easily… more like you have to adjust your expectations or end the relationship

This is exactly why I'm angry at myself.
What kind of a dad have I given her? She's such a sweet, kind and funny child, she deserves the world not a few crumbs he decides to drop her now and again.

Thank you, I'll be speaking with him on Friday.

He sounds like an overgrown teenager!

He is very selfish, but you can’t change him. I would just focus on building your own life with your DD.

It doesn't sound like he wants family life. His choice is to always put himself first.
Don't let him move back in unless he tells you he's willing to put effort into family life and shows you over the following weeks.
That's not you asking him that question but asking him "what do you want?" and see what answer he gives you.
He should attend a parenting course too. There are free online ones.
Though it sounds like he won't.

He really will be no loss to your dd.... Stop aiding his pathetic relationship with her.. She doesn't need him..

Take a huge step back and let him do all the ground work. You can’t force someone to have a relationship with their child, he has to make that effort himself.

Sorry for any smelling mistakes etc,
I know this isn't a helpful comment, but this 'smelling' mistake was so apt a mistake, it made me smile!
In relation to this man dump him!

Focus on building a life for yourself and your daughter and one day you may feel like meeting someone else, someone who prioritises you and someone who loves your daughter and behaves like an adult, move on. X

@Kylie1000 from what you've revealed, he just isn't interested in his daughter. He doesn't sound like he wants to be her Dad at all.

Give up. You can't make him care. Raise a claim with CMS for child support and tell him from now on, he's to text you with notice if he wants to see DD but you won't be chasing him anymore.

Then move on with your life. Once you let this loser go, you free yourself to eventually meet a real man who will love your baby like his own and she deserves that.

Let the cockwomble drift away.

I didn't even notice this haha! O dear!

God knows why this man wanted a child as he clearly has no interest in being a father. I wouldn't bother with him, he's useless.

If this is how he treats his innocent little baby, how did he treat you leading up to conceiving your child?

I would not bother speaking with him on Friday because he’s a waste of space.

Let this man go and put in a Cms claim for his child. If he is that bothered let him do all the running . He can also see her in a contact centre if he chooses.

Why do you expect him to change?

Just because you kicked him out doesn't mean he's going to grow up and take care of his responsibilities like an adult. He's an immature and selfish boy living with his mom and doing what he pleases and he's fine with that.

File for child support and don't let this boy move back in.

He works for a company who travels, they pay for his train journey.
He's usually in the same area for about 6 months and then they move on. Something in I.T.(don't want to go to much into it just incase he comes across this post!)

He always pays child support on time (£100 a week as he's on a good wage) but, he always is asking to borrow money. He does give me the money back but, i know thats not the point. Why would you ask the person who earns less to borrow you money I have no idea.
Doesn't prioritize needs over luxuries. He would rather be able to buy clothes and then once he has no money left for food, he asks me. It stops now, I've told him, I'm not financially supporting someone who is meant to be the families provider.