Co parenting / divorce ?

[Tooots]

Really considering it now. Kids are 3.5 and 1.5. Been out of love with DH for a little while. He is selfish. He is lazy.and I mean it. Never has the kids alone , and I could never leave them alone with him.

a big reason as to why I’ve stayed. Buuut I’m just starting to think it’s not going to be good if I do. I’m scared about being alone. He’s a bit of a hot head so I’m scared about that too but I can’t leave my kids alone with him?

how can I work around this?

Im scared he’d go to nursery one day try to take them. They know its me who does drop off pick up all the time so I could warn staff it’s just scares me

what can I do I feel really sad and scared

You say he’s a hot head. Is he abusive? If so, you should speak to women’s aid and get advice and support to make an exit plan.

No he just flips a bit on me sometimes will shout at me and just get annoyed with me

hes never hit me or raised his hand to any of us so I don’t think I could get any help xx

Abuse isn’t just physical. It’s emotional abuse too. Financial abuse. Coercive and controlling behaviours. Read this and see if any of the characteristics apply to your husband.

www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

A man who flips out and shouts at you is abusive. A man who won’t care for his children and leaves all of the childcare and everything else on his partner is abusive. A man who would turn up at nursery and take his children away from their mother is abusive. If he prevents you having a life outside of your relationship and children he’s abusive. If he makes sure you have no money or assets, he’s financially abusive.

If he's there dad and has PR he's allowed to collect them unless you have a court order. If you are not in any immediate danger my suggestion is that you bide your time and say nothing. Get your kids bigger, stronger, talking and more independent.

Yeah that’s my worry really. I heard also no one gets full custody nowadays unless there’s strong evidence of one partner badly abusing the one claiming full custody?

So that scares me as I don’t want to leave my kids alone with him. He never gets up in the night says he doesn’t hear them. He doesn’t cook for them I do all the childcare so to have to leave them with him makes me physically sick as I know he wouldn’t update me or anything I’d be so worried

I think as they get older, stronger, more independent and self reliant it will be safer to leave them. In the meantime get yourself strong and financially independent. Work on yourself. Have therapy. If your not working full time do everything to build up to full time. Do training or courses. Prepare yourself for the shit show the divorce will be.