Long distance relationship - how do you manage it?

[longdistance2]

For the last few months I've been in a long distance relationship.
We see each other every 2 weeks, usually for an overnight stay. Sometimes it's every 3 weeks.

I'm finding it frustrating. Although it can be nice to have some distance.. we both work, study and I also have a child. So it makes it tricky to meet for an overnight stay (usually when my child is with other parent) and it can't usually be a quick visit due to the distance.

I really like us spending time together, we get on well. We can talk about all kinds of things, we're very emotionally connected and we have fun together.

But every now and then I find it hard. You cant just meet and have a quick cuddle. Or do something in the evening.

Today, I'm just feeling a bit crappy about it really.

Every now and then I suppose I feel a bit pissed off. Like we're penpals.
I really don't want to minimise the relationship.
We text, send voice notes, leave video messages but when it's getting past the 2 week mark of doing this, I can feel myself distancing.
I don't know how people do it who go months without seeing each other.

They are not for everyone, it's as simple as that. Personally I prefer long distance for the first part of a relationship as it stops me "getting in too deep" too quickly. At most it was every 3ish month we would see each other for a week or so at a time. But even I needed an mid point goal of how we would close the distance eventually.
Are we both willing and able to relocate?
If only one of us can relocate, any deciding factors - emotionally/financially a blocker to that happening ?

How long have you been in the relationship?

You’ve posted this twice within the space if a few hours, OP. The advice won’t have changed. This isn’t working for you. Move on.

Honestly, it's hell at times. Married and transatlantic long distance (UK and US).

The past few times we've seen each other it's been 4 months apart. This next gap? No idea. 5 months is being positive. Could be 6, 7 8 + months. There's a special place in hell reserved for Biden.. but that's another topic.

What helps:
. We talk constantly. Even if it is just whilst both pottering around doing general stuff like cooking
. Video calls a few times a week
. Planning future trips and when we we know when, set a countdown
. Talk and plan the future and how you could both close the distance
. Little steps working towards the future
. Pictures. Doesn't just have to mean intimate; random selfies, food, stuff done/achieved/hobbies etc

I lived 25 miles from my late dp. We saw each other every weekend, from Friday to Sunday if it was my weekend to have ds & Thursday to Sunday if ds was at his dad's. I had finished work so during the week I went over for the day at least once during the week, dropped ds at school, met him for the day & got home in time for his dad dropping him off after tea. We talked & texted constantly when we were apart, you make it work, we had date nights after ds had gone to bed, cooking a meal & having a bottle of wine while watching a film, went clubbing on the weekends he was at his dad's. With video calling & technology it.is so much easier now, you can have date nights when you aren't even together.

There has to be some substance to the relationship to get through it. It’s definitely more than just dates and messages back and forth. And you do need solid time together. It actually sounds like the issue is less the distance than you simply don’t have time for each other.

Dh and I were on opposite sides of the world (11 hour flight) for 2 years when we were dating. We saw each other every 2-3 months, but then we had several weeks to a month together. In the months we were apart, we spent a lot of time talking and planning for the future. We talked about our long term goals, values, financial plans, future children, travel plans, where we wanted to live, career goals. We covered a lot of ground in mapping out what life would look like when we could be in the same place.

I think what made a difference was that we really had proper time together and we lived like a couple. It wasn’t a date, we did food shopping and we cleaned and we did DIY and took the bins out. It was that sort of foundation of a life together that got us through til the next time because we could see what the future would be like.

I think in the short term you probably need to find a way to have a weekend together or a week together around your child to see if this is even viable or if it’s just a nice night out every few weeks.

My DP and I have been long distance for almost 2 years. We live about 2 hours away from each other. We have seen each other without fail, every weekend (one weekend at his, next weekend at mine etc) from Friday afternoon/evening through to us both leaving for respective works on Monday mornings. Difference being, neither of us have children.
We knew each other as teenagers though and I think this has helped. We felt like we already had a connection and some history as soon as we got together. I couldn't do it for just anyone (ie a stranger I met online or something) We are also in the process of buying a house together - this was always the plan from the off (although it's taken a bit longer than we'd have liked!) but again, I couldn't do it indefinitely.
I suppose it depends what stage of life you're at and what you want out of your relationship. My DP and I are in our 30's and we want to build a life together and start a family. We want to progress. So being in a long distance relationship with no end 'goal' of physically being together wouldn't work for either of us.

For what it's worth, not once has Friday come around and I've felt inconvenienced by the travel or whatever. It has never felt like a chore because my DP and our relationship are worth. For that end goal.
Figure out what your end goal is x

If it's making you unhappy (it would most people I think) you need to make a change- how long is it going to go on for before you can live as a family? What options do you have for closing the distance totally or partially? If there are no options would you be happier calling it a day and splitting up so that you can develop your own independent life. You can still make sure your partner spends time with your child which is any case minimal at the moment.

OP, I’m in a similar situation and have been for a few years. It can be very difficult, I also feel the same if we haven’t seen each other for a couple of weeks. We get a weekend together then back home. I do find the journey tiring if it’s my turn to travel after a long week at work. If you have an end point ahead of you that’s great but hard to see it working if you don’t. In our case, none of us really want to uproot…