Am I unreasonable

[Tiredmumma36]

I’m struggling so much…
I have an 11month old, and I have PND
I have 3 older teenagers of my own.
The whole pregnancy I feel like me and baby dad were bickering the whole time I put it down to hormones.
I just felt like he wasn’t very supportive.
Then baby was born and people made comments when they came over like he didn’t seem very helpful, or he seemed controlling (he’d say to me oh she needs her nappy done, or id be up and down hosting people while he sat holding the baby) i did everything again I’d make an excuse like it’s his first baby etc… now 11 months down the line he does do more - I still do majority but in mum that’s my roll right? We’ve had lots of arguments - he was living with me but I was paying all the bills .. he’d borrow money off me until his payday and then make out he was doing me a favour when he paid me back.
He doesn’t really have any bills spend his wages on fags, 🍃 sometimes, and just day to day.
I’ve gone back to work baby goes to a nursery and he has her 1 day in the week that he has off.

I dunno I look at the relationship and think what do you offer me? We haven’t had sex since I got pregnant, we’re not affectionate unless it’s a cuddle or a kiss…. And then when I raise this all with him he says he’s trying and he wants his family and that I’m breaking it up etc

Am I stupid or am I being hard on him I can’t work it out my head is a MESS!!

He doesn’t have any bills? He should be paying 50% of the household bills.

What the hell are you doing with this cocklodger?
Get him out of your house.

You must be absolutely desperate for a man to put up with that

Remove the weed smoking deadbeat from your kids home.

Oh gosh. Life will be easier without him.

Absolutely spot on.
He sounds absolutely useless.

What indeed are you doing with this cocklodger?. He just saw you as an easy target to abuse. Get him out of your home asap. This should be easy to achieve particularly if he is not named on any mortgage or tenancy agreement. Put his stuff into bin bags. It may well be that your mood will lift when he has left but you must get help from your GP for PND.

Going forward do not enter into any further relationship until your boundaries, low as they currently are, are a lot higher. Get therapy for your own self and read Women who love too much by Dr Robin Norwood.

Why on earth is he not contributing towards bills? He doesn't give a fuck about his family, he just wants to hang onto the free ride you're giving him.

I was going to ask, where does it say he smokes weed? But I had a closer look and think it must be that small emoji (bad eyesight).
Does he actually pay anything from his own wage towards your bills? It sounds like he just asks you for money then begrudgingly gives it back. If he's not contributing at all he's a complete cocklodger.

Thank you for your comments I must say I’m not desperate for a relationship.

I am very aware of everything going on I guess I’m scared to put a final end to it and then be blamed for it in the long run and then he says he wants 50:50 access for my baby if we do break up and that means I have to go without her which breaks my heart ( I know that’s selfish)

im just so stressed out with this all.
my kids deserve a happy mummy

No he doesn’t pay anything towards anything occasionally will buy baby milk or nappies and wipes

Why wouldn’t he be paying towards any bills?
I hope he’s not smoking around the baby

I don’t see what you are getting out of this relationship…

Absolutely not smoking around the baby

Does he really want to look after his own child 50/50 or is he saying that so you don't kick him out. Can he go back to where he lived before

I highly doubt this is the sort of man who would really want 50/50. How much parenting does he do now? I suspect he's just saying it to control you, but two can play that game. Convince him you'd want him to have 50/50, how great it'll be for the baby and that it means you'll still have a social life - he'll soon change his tune.