LTA are you doing it?

[Molly2008]

So living together apart relationships...

If you are in one can you tell me how old you are? Are you married? And how far apart you live from your partner?

What makes it work for you?

Do you mean in a relationship just not living under the same roof?

Yeah im doing it. Not married. 5 years. We have a ND child each so mingling them would not have worked. It has problems obviously. And benefits. I'm 47. We live a 45 min drive apart.

Yes that's what I mean

In my last relationship (from ages 43-48) my partner told me a few months in that we would never live together. At the time I felt very hurt, but when I became more aware of the odd things he'd do, I was glad! I've lived on my own for over 10 years and have no wish for anyone to invade my space or question what I'm doing/where I'm going just because I've got up from the sofa. I would never go back to living with someone and I've told my current partner this - I'm now 53.

So living together apart relationships...

Surely it's one or the other? You live together or apart? Or is this a new term for in a relationship but don't live together?

I think it's more committed than a simple bf/gf relationship. You have separate houses, but might have shared finances (either completely or partially) for example, or have other shared responsibilities the same as you might if you were living together, but you live in separate houses.

My parents spent a good part of their marriage living like this, mainly due to my df's line of work. They were married, with dc, shared finances and assets but lived mid-week in different houses.

For some it works well by choice, for others it might be circumstances that make it difficult to share a physical home.

That's what I thought. In my last long term relationship we stayed over at each others a few nights a week but each had our own place.

I just classed this as "not living together"

Sorry I was replying to @scanni

I don’t understand the label though. You are in a relationship but do not live together. Simples.
How is this different to any two people in a relationship that don’t live together?

Most people in a bf/gf relationship don't have eg shared finances or responsibilities. In this situation, my understanding of it is they do, just as they might do if sharing a roof.

Yes that is my understanding and in some instances they are married as well as share finance etc

Middle-aged, not married (part of the point for me is not being financially entangled/keeping my independence), about 45 mins by car.

I have adult kids, one still living at home. He has none and never wanted them. Both previously married.

Oh, what makes it work for me, is I think it keeps it fresh? There's not that domestic grind, he washes his own socks 😂.

I suppose it's a bit like dating forever but without the angst. He very much has his own life outside of the relationship, as do I.

I find men kinda take up a lot of room, literally and figuratively, so it's nice to retain my own space.

Downsides I guess he's not always available when I am and vice versa.

Yeah re someone mentioned further up shared finances and poss marriage being part of it. We are planning on marrying and we have a savings account together. It's just not tenable for us to share a home with our dc, we tried and scrapped the idea

Both late forties, together 2 years. Won't be getting married. Both have children. I don't want my kids to have to have another man living with them and he doesn't want to impact the time he spends with his so this all works very well. We are about 30 mins drive away and see each other about twice a week. I do miss him but i do like the independence. Its always fresh and i always get excited to see him. We hope to live together once the kids have moved out! We don't share finances either.

For those of you doing it where do you spend your together? One house or split between the 2?

Mostly at his for us. When he doesn't have his kids. sometimes at mine, sometimes just walks or the pub but we try to spend one night a week with me staying at his.

I never wanted to live with a BF, couldn't stand the thought of a man invading my personal space. I only live with my DH as we have dc together, we lived apart happily in different countries for 5 years until I got pregnant. I expect him to do half the work. Respect to those who have a DC but don't live with the father even though they are in a relationship.