How do you deal with a friend who always changes plans?

[pussinboots61]

I have a long standing friend who always wants her own way, she's always been like this. I used to give in to her but I don't anymore. I have learnt to put my preferences across and not give into what she wants all the time.

We are also part of a friendship group and we all meet up for meals for birthdays and Christmas. Next month we have a meal for four birthdays in the group, including the awkward friend. I put out a message in our WhatsApp group about it a whle ago as the friend who organises it doesn't do texts, everyone else showed an interest and but she didn't respond. I brought it up in a message just between her and me and still she didn't respond to that part of the message. So the friend who organises these meetings, whose birthday it also is, suggested a venue. The alternative she thought would be too expensive.

Anyway the next thing I know the awkward friend has suddenly piped up and said she and her other friend (whose birthday it also is) prefers going to the more expensive place and the organiser friend has gone and booked it. She's the one whose agreed with me previously that we shouldn't let Mrs Awkward take over and now she has. OK fair enough, it is her birthday too but she ignored the suggestion in the first place and now its all about what she wants.

Everyone has agreed with this arrangement so I don't want to be the only one to put the spoke in but I am really annoyed that she has got her own way again.

We are also meeting up on Thursday (just me and Mrs Awkward) when I'm on leave and we had arranged where to meet. But then she messaged me the other day to suggest somewhere else, a place we went to the last time we met which wasn't up to much, there was nowhere decent to get any lunch and I really don't want to go there. I have replied and explained that I would rather stick with our agreed plans but I haven't had a reply yet and she's usually keen to get plans set way before the meeting date. I can imagine its because I haven't just agreed to what she wants.

I feel pleased that I am now able to stand up for myself but I can't just say my piece and let it go, I stew on it and get really annoyed and can't get it out of my mind. How can I deal with this?

It's worth reflecting on why you are actually friends - do you enjoy her company or is it just out of habit? Is this one annoying quirk of hers? I would let the birthday,thing slide and leave that between the 4 birthday people to manage the politics as it doesn't seem like she is that bothered about the other 2.
For yourself if she tries to change plans you can say we went to your choice last time I would like to choose this time. Her reaction will tell you what she thinks and how much time you want to put into this friendship.

Do you actually enjoy spending time with Mrs Awkward nowadays, or is it just that you’re still part of the same group?

Honestly?
They're no longer my friends - everyone has off days evey now and then, but repeated disrespectful behaviour is a big 'nope' from me

Thank you for your replies. She has now replied to me about the meeting tomorrow and backed down and agreed to do what we first arranged. She does tend to do this once she knows I won't give in.

As for the birthday meal, I spoke to my friend whose organsing it this morning and she was quite laid back about it, said that's what Mrs Awkward wants so she booked it with it being for her birthday too. My point is that she came late to the party and ignored the invite for a while so surely now she's mssed the boat and will have to fit in with what's being planned. I guess this is another irritation, that my other friend agreed with me that she would book things now and then let her know afterwards and not change it, just on the basis of her being awkward and now she's giving in to her so I feel I am the only one whose willing to to be assertive about it. I have no back up.

I do enjoy her company when we are together but its very trying making arrangements with her and I get very irritated when she gets selfish and can't seem to let it go.