What do I do about Mr Catfish?

[Mollymolloy]

Hello,
I started chatting to someone on an online dating website. From his photos, he seemed nice and was very chatty.

However, this morning he sent me a video to say ‘hello’. He looks absolutely nothing like his photo! He could be the dad of the bloke on the profile. What do I say? I don’t want to be mean but, why do blokes do it!!!

My photos are all current. 😡

the question is not why blokes do it, but why do people do it.

it’s exactly the same the other side.

I had a date last month where I kid you not, she was 6-8 dress sizes bigger than she somehow magically appeared in her photos.

If you don’t want to hurt his feelings you either question why he looks so different in the video, slow fade or just ignore. I’d suggest the first option and give him a chance to explain.

Most people use filters on their dating profile, but it’s finding the balance between looking your best whilst still looking like you.

Just say hello back and then slowly fade away.

I agree with @smithey855. I've lost count of the amount of female MNetters who say they use old photos.

They're often met with replies like, "Don't worry about it, he shouldn't care and if he does, then he's really shallow hun" 🙄

This happened to me a few years ago but when we met in person, the guy was enormously overweight and clearly had used old pictures. He was very blasé about it all and said yea I've put on a bit of weight I know what women are like and you wouldn't have entertained me if I put current pictures up. Nah mate I just don't like liars!

Thanks all. I have had something similar before. I did give him a chance but, it became clear that he was trying to be something that he really wasn’t.

I don't know that's true. There was a woman fairly recently who admitted using unrepresentative photos (can't remember in what sense, age, filters, weight,) and people were pretty direct that it wasn't helpful to anyone. She sounded sweet but a bit clueless and not the most confident.

I’d just be blunt and tell him he looks a lot older than you’d thought.

I met a man who’d told me he had his own garden maintenance business and lived in a waterfront apartment in Leeds. He still lived with his parents and was long term unemployed in his mid 40s. I’m not sure why he thought lying about important information was a good idea.

I’d tell him straight that using old photos is deceptive and that’s a deal breaker. Wish him well and delete

All the ‘women use filters etc - I can categorically state I’ve never filtered a photo in my life, I wouldn’t even know how to and when I was on OLD, every word of my profile was accurate and all photos current. I don’t get why people try and get dated by deception - it’s a waste of everyone’s time

If you ended up on a date with someone who was 8 sizes bigger IRL than they appear in their OLD photos, I would suggest you need to get better at detecting filtered photos! Size 8 in photos and size 24 IRL - what on earth kind of filter was she using?!

Back to the OP, slow fade if you must, but I would instantly ditch someone who was being deceptive in this way.

I must agree it's women doing this too. My sister when OLD knocked 30 years off her age and used a 30 year old photo. Can't imagine how she thought the guys wouldn't notice if they met in person.

This is believable. What did she do, scan some polaroids from 1995?

I think it was him that said he was considering a FWB anyway despite the shock about her true size. So he can't have been that bothered 😂

Well to be truthful it would be both. You wouldn't likely have chosen him at his current weight and you don't like liars.

Let's not pretend

6-8 sizes? That like a size 8 very slim woman to a size 20-24. Very morbidly obese woman. No filter can do that

I'd casually ask him which is his most recent photo. He will most probably know then that you know the photos are not a fair representation of him now.
I've turned up to a date where the bloke was 20 years older than his photos and also had someone calling me a few choice names when I've pointed out their photos are very different to the current "them"

My male friend went on a date and a woman in her 70’s walking with a stick turned up. She’d said she was 52 and used her daughter’s photos.
She’d got really upset and started shouting when he said he was leaving the pub as it was wasting both of their time.

"sorry you look nothing like your pictures, bye" Then block.

I met a man in his mid 40's who said he was a communications director in media. A really rough looking guy showed up. 5 mins into the conversation I told him he didnt sound like a 'comunications director', he run out of the pub fast never to be seen again. When i googled his name turn out he was a builder with a long stint in a psychiatric hospital.

That was 5 years ago. I stayed away from OLD since. it's a strange place.

I'd say to him that he's clearly used old photos and you don't appreciate the deception. I can't understand why anyone does it, do they think no-one will notice?! I'd honestly rather use crap pictures of myself and turn up looking better than expected, than the other way around!

Just say you are looking forward to hopping into his Time Machine for a date and going back to when he looked the way he did in the photos he used. Followed by “That is untrue but I thought you’d appreciate as you are so dishonest yourself.”

He's actually being very calculated. Using old photos as he knows he wouldn't get swipes with his current ones, then going all out to be charming and build connection via messaging, but sharing his actual look in a video pre meet so he doesn't waste his money on a coffee if it's a deal breaker

True, I wonder if he thinks he can get younger women that way too. All a bit creepy.

I'd tell him straight and have done this on a few occasions. it's deception pure and simple

'Are you Shawn's dad? Bit weird that you're calling me'.