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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He has asked my friend out for a drink - can someone tell me why you think he would do this?

14 replies

Daisydaisydaisy1 · 18/02/2025 16:45

Hello,
I posted here a couple of times last year. The last being the end of last year ‘he’s disappeared again’ and before that ‘I looked at the phone’.
I was so grateful for your advice here! I did end it. No drama, I just couldn’t continue with how it was! He did try to come back, full of promises. I blocked him because I didn’t want him to keep coming back.
Anyway, met my friend for coffee today, we don’t see each other often as we no longer work in the same department but keep in touch and love to see her when we both have time. She is with someone (18 months). My ex knows this. He messaged her on the weekend asking her out for a drink. I felt this sharp knock to my chest when she told me.
Can anyone tell me why he would do this?
when we split before Christmas she took him off her social media as she felt she didn’t need him on there. However, he still messaged her.
just in shock that he would do this. Someone that said they loved you, would be open to dating your friend. She has blocked him now!

OP posts:
Bogginsthe3rd · 18/02/2025 16:46

Sounds like he likes her

User0103 · 18/02/2025 16:47

Because he is now single therefore all women are fair targets?

Thats how disordered his thinking is.

Daisydaisydaisy1 · 18/02/2025 16:49

She is my friend?!

OP posts:
GeorgeMichaelsCat · 18/02/2025 16:51

He's doing it to get to you. You've blocked him also this is a way to get at you.

WrylyAmused · 18/02/2025 16:52

Many men don't care about that kind of thing.

He fancies her, so he messaged her. It's likely no more complex than that. He also didn't care that she has a partner, so it's not just you he's being careless of...

NestaArcheron · 18/02/2025 16:54

Because he likes her and now he's free to see who he likes.

superamazingtoday · 18/02/2025 16:54

Urgh, he's trying to cause a reaction. Do not react!

Also, your friend didn't actually need to tell you, she could have just blocked and moved on.

If she was a best friend, saw each other all the time type of friend, then yeah, maybe she should mention it.. but she's not.

I would be careful with her

TipsyJoker · 18/02/2025 16:56

Daisydaisydaisy1 · 18/02/2025 16:49

She is my friend?!

This is why he’s asked her.

JemimaFlubberCluck · 18/02/2025 16:58

He’s just reminded you why you left him. Don’t let him get in your head, he’s not worth it.

Daisydaisydaisy1 · 18/02/2025 16:59

She didn’t have to tell me but she felt like it was a little bit disrespectful! I do too!
he is very much free to do as he pleases but she is my friend. Someone that he knows I think a lot of. If she had been disloyal and said yes, he would have been ok with hurting me that way. I would never even contemplate dating one of his friends.

OP posts:
Daisydaisydaisy1 · 18/02/2025 17:00

ps - yes, he’s definitely reminded me of why I ended it! Just reality hits doesn’t it?! Just shocked me, I suppose!

OP posts:
Christl78 · 18/02/2025 17:01

You know? This is a gift. It actually verifies that your decision to block him is the right one.
Why he asked your friend out? Because he is unethical. He wanted to get back to you. Or maybe he thought he is signle and no woman is out of reach.
Why your friend told you? 1. Maybe she is antagonistic with you 2. Maybe she is a good friend and wanted to make sure you know what type of person he is and you don’t get back with him. You know her better. From what you’ve written I am inclined to think it’s the second.

rolloverbeethoven · 18/02/2025 17:27

Why he did it is easy - he's a wanker. Why she told you is more complex, probably her motives were good but her judgement wasn't (at least she didn't go though).

TipsyJoker · 18/02/2025 18:01

If this was my friend I would want them to tell me so I don’t know why people think that she shouldn’t have told you. Surely honesty and transparency is the best way forward. I’d be livid if a friend didn’t tell me tbh. I’d question why they kept it secret. It would probably make me no longer trust them. Secrets are never a good idea.

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