Hello!
This is my first post on MN and I wasn’t sure where to post, because as the title states, I’m a little lost.
I am nearly 35, recently married and we have a blended family. I have 2 children and my husband has 3, they range from 9-21. It’s a busy house hold and I work full time, Husband has recently increased his hours. We are ok for money, nothing flash but comfortable.
My previous relationship was complicated, my ex was extremely money focused and we were more than comfortable, but it caused a lot of conflict and has left me paranoid about money, I stress about things that might happen and I worry hopelessly about putting money aside.
Right now I feel a bit lost, my workplace is having a restructure and although I think I’m fairly safe it’s no guarantee. At home I feel like I’m just living the days, cleaning, commuting, parenting on repeat. I feel frumpy, heavy & just generally not the bubbly person I once was. I’ve recently been diagnosed is scoliosis and that makes me feel old. My hormones are all over the show and I’m sure that’s a massive part of why I feel the way I do.
Im left thinking is this just an age thing, is this just a blip in life or am genuienly struggling with something I can’t put my finger on. I love my husband, I love our kids, I enjoy my job, but all come with challenges. My husband and I parent very differently which can cause conflict, I feel like a bit of a peacekeeper. Our children are great kids, but an adult child in the house I find challenging when it comes to not helping out and not staying in bed until 3pm in what quite frankly is a dump of a bedroom. My job is challenging and stressful but to anyone would be the ‘dream job’ so I feel I should always be grateful. I’ve not always felt ‘attractive’ and my now husband boosted my confidence so much when we met but I feel like I’m now just slipping backward.
I’ve recently been looking into childhood trauma, and I think this is a huge part of how I’m feeling. I lost my dad as a teenager, in our home and had to try and unsuccessfully rescusitate him - I thought I had dealt with this growing up but I’m paranoid now that the person I am today and the ways I soemtimes feel are because of this deepest rooted trauma.
Apologies this post is all over the show. I don’t really know what I’m looking for. Maybe for some reassurance that soemtimes in life we go though a blip and I’ll come back out the otherside.