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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he gaslighting me or am I going insane??

6 replies

Daisy556 · 18/02/2025 09:24

Back story - he cheated 2 years ago, we’ve been trying to make things work. We spoke last night, he was asking questions about what a woman brings to the relationship and what I think a man should bring then he went onto saying that he’s been trying past 2 years and I don’t put no effort into the relationship to which I didn’t reply.

he fell asleep, I checked his phone - went on TikTok saw a video he like to which it stated “chin up gangster, you knew there love was fake” I spoke to him about it when he woke up midway through the night and left it at that.
decided to take myself home this morning as I was stopping at his house to which he brought up the TikTok again. I said we spoke about it last night. He then went on and on.. saying I had no right to be upset and I didn’t need to be upset and that the video wasn’t about me even tho he resonated with it, he said it was about men being sad bc he stated he was last night.. he then said something about me not letting him be sad to which I said not once have I said u can’t be sad etc etc.

I know it sounds silly but this is what we argue about most of the time, silly things like this, then he makes me feel like I’m going crazy and making a big deal about things..
I told him I feel as tho I’m being gaslighted as the video is about a relationship and he’s saying it’s got nothing to do with me so I shouldn’t be upset in anyway. He said I was laughing at him bc yes I didn’t laugh but bc I felt like I was going crazy.

sorry guys, I know it’s very stupid but this is us every other day..

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 18/02/2025 09:27

Honestly this relationship is over.

He's cheated, he sounds like a waste of space and you are wasting your precious and wonderful life with someone who makes you unhappy. Do yourself the biggest favour and dump him.

BeeCucumber · 18/02/2025 09:29

This life you have with him sounds exhausting. Throw him back and raise your standards.

TwistedWonder · 18/02/2025 09:30

Stop wasting your life trying to understand a lying cheating gaslighting piece of shit, find your self respect and move on to a better life without him dragging you down.

And please raise your bar for your next relationship.

BlueSilverCats · 18/02/2025 09:35

Wanting to move on from something like cheating, and actually being able to, are two completely different things.

Neither of you managed to do it, fair enough, it's not a failure. It's an issue of trust and boundaries, especially on your part.

The thing is, you're not flogging a dead horse, arguing over anything and everything and neither of you is happy.

Just end it.

Daisy556 · 18/02/2025 18:52

Thanks for the advice guys x

OP posts:
Bibi12 · 19/02/2025 17:20

I don't understand. Its just TikTok video.
I sometimes watch random videos and if someone went through my phone and started interrogating my about it I would think they've gone mad.

Your relationship seems over. He cheated. You don't trust him and he's not happy.

Unless you've been married with mortgage and kids I really don't see the point in staying together. This is a time to explore and find a right person and sometimes it takes kissing some frogs. Time to move on.

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