Is it just too much water under the bridge?

[TheTeacherMum]

I don't know what I'm looking for ... but I just think I need some closure.

Some context - my friend (F 32) was my best friend for some time before my wedding in 2018. We'd met at a class and went out, met up and generally did quite a bit together (met in 2014). She was my MOH at my wedding, did help, but made a few things about her, which we won't go into. My family and husbands family weren't really into her and what she was about, but we'll move on.
She also drove quite a wedge into a previous friendship that I'd had with my friend from uni, which subsequently meant that my uni friend never came to my wedding, she was also meant to be a bridesmaid.

A little after my wedding she became quite quiet, and I felt like it was always me messaging and asking what she was up to at the weekend, to be met with "not much" responses but never had plans made. I'd then see on social media that she'd be out with other friends, which although fine, she has her own life, made me feel a bit like she didn't want me there.

I don't know if someone had ever said anything to her, or we have simply just grown apart as I'm married and have 2 children now.

I guess in some ways my life is now completely different to hers, but surely if she was my best friend, she'd have been there.

Is it just too much water under the bridge to try and salvage some of our friendship or just totally leave it now.

Reach out and be honest about how you feel, you’ll get an outcome either way Di have closure x

I'd honestly leave it. I'm a firm believer of matching someone's energy. Unless they're really struggling with life which explains their lack of enthusiasm, which doesn't seem to be the case. Sadly friendships can be transient, it doesn't necessarily mean anything in the grand scheme of things other than you have shifted away from one another as life goes by.

Your family don't like her, she ignores you, and created an incident so major that your other best friend didn't come to your wedding.
Why are you pursuing this 'friendship'?

Thank you for the responses.

It's left me quite lost with why things just stopped. The contact, plans to meet up, that's the thing I've found quite odd about everything.

It’s perfectly normal for some friendships to fall by the wayside through the course of life, and it sounds as though that’s just what happened here: no big argument, no major falling out, just the realisation that you probably didn’t have as much in common as you used to and her beginning to gradually phase you out. Concentrate on other friendships: it certainly doesn’t sound as though she’s interested in reinstating this one, and your post doesn’t make it don’t sound as though you actually miss her or the friendship, but just feel a bit dented in the ego at being rejected.

I had a similar experience with a formerly good friend. She was in my wedding party and played a key role in the ceremony itself. However at the reception she got drunk, caused a scene and argued with a mutual friend. I get that people can get carried away and I've never even mentioned it to her - I was too busy enjoying myself on the night to care. But after this she began phasing me out, cancelling plans, or coming up with excuses not to meet. I eventually stopped instigating conversation, and never heard from her again. We last exchanged messages in 2019 and my wedding day was the last time I saw her in person. She's still on my social media and is aware through it of major life events of mine, including two significant bereavements and my current pregnancy. Not once has she reached out to offer condolences or congratulations.

I fully understand where you're coming from and it's frustrating, hurtful and confusing how someone can go from being so important in your life to suddenly seeming to have no regard for you at all. I spent years stewing over it, wondering what I'd done wrong, or if I'd just misunderstood how close we were. In the end I figured it's not worth chasing - she clearly doesn't care about me or our friendship. I just wish I hadn't given her a prime role in the ceremony now, feels a waste! But life goes on, and as PPs have said, invest your energy into current friendships and your DC rather than looking backwards.

People grow apart and that is what looks to have happened here. She doesn't sound a great loss tbh.

Thank you lovely.

Literally the same with phasing out.
I'd ask about meeting at weekends and I'd get no response until the Saturday evening, which by that point was too late to do anything. It became very obvious that she was the one making very little effort.

Just found it very odd.

But definitely no plans to reignite a friendship, I think that boat has long sailed already!