Friendzone

[GaMomLife]

My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. The last 10 have been not good at all.

I often feel and voice that I feel like he is not putting in enough effort for our family. I have been very clear on what I need, he has not been clear. I try to just move along and try to not let it bother me just to keep my sanity and just focus on my work, my kids and myself.

I even told him that I wasn't in love with him anymore, which is true, in hopes that he may want to step up or at least be real with what he wants and nothing has changed.

I am at the point where it's awkward. Almost like my marriage has entered the proverbial "Friendzone" where I cant see being intimate or functioning as a couple ever again.

Why stay together at all if it’s this miserable?.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

What do both of you want to teach your kids about relationships and what are they learning here?. This is no model to be showing them because they could replicate this in their in adult relationships. Better to be apart than be locked together in such misery.

Staying for the supposed sake of the children or for a lifestyle you want to maintain are no good reasons for being together either. The next ten years in such a marriage could well be also like the last ten. Do not kick the can down the road here. One day also and far sooner than later your kids will leave home. What then for you and your H if you are still together?.

He obviously prefers the status quo, you don’t, which means you have to be the catalyst for change. Waiting for him to do something hasn’t worked, the balls in your court.

In all fairness you've chosen to stay in the situation and continue, if he is happy as you are and you want change then you've actually got to do something about it rather than feel sad

Why would a partner want to step up if they've been told they're not loved?

I wouldn't.

@AttilaTheMeerkat Those have all been my questions and my thoughts for a long time now. Thanks for making me feel like I'm not alone in those thoughts!

@AgentJohnson I think it is too. Trouble is the next step is so huge and something I was hoping I would never have to face. I guess I juts lack the courage to take the leap.

Maybe he’s ground down and can’t see the point when you tell him you don’t love him and his effort isn’t good enough. Why would he bother after that?

@Ladyj84 your right! I have! I have done a lot of changing over the years and he is almost exactly the same. I guess my sadness comes from his lack of a desire to grow with me to get to the next level in life together. I don't want to give up on that but I cant want it more for him then he wants it.

@bifurCAT I love him and if he really truly wanted me to be his person for life he could make me fall in love with him again. I told him that too. No movement, over and over and over. No movement. So is he in love with me? I feel like he is in love not having to do what I do for our family in supporting is financially and also running the household. He's a decent dad, good person, crappy husband.

@CuteEasterBunny if someone you were in love with told you they were not in love with you anymore would you just give up? Or would you be apologetic and ask what you could do to get back to good?