Religion

[emsantana99]

Hi guys I'm just looking for a bit of help.

So I've recently started dating this guy and he is INCREDIBLE. We click so amazingly but there's something I'm struggling with.

He's heavily Christian, and this is not something I dislike at all, I respect all of his beliefs & I think it's beautiful but I'm really finding the whole no intimacy before marriage thing so incredibly hard. I have a child already and have been sexually active for a long time so this is something I'm really struggling with as I believe sex is a huge part of a relationship. How do I go about this? I don't want to let go of him because he's an incredible guy & I want to be respectful & mindful of every situation but it's becoming really difficult for me to keep my self in check sometimes when things get a little heated between us.

I also need to add that his parents are completely overbearing - we are both consensual adults & they have so much control over his life, for example taking his phone on a weekend after 11pm ( he's literally an adult ) and taking his car keys past 7pm so he can't go anywhere. I understand he still lives at home so there has to be some rules to abide to and I understand that, but these are just small examples - I live at home alone with my daughter & it makes me feel like I'm dating a child. Whenever he tries to do something they don't want they bring his religion into it by saying things like 'that's not very Christian of you' etc. I also need to add that they are NOT religious at all so it's not down to their own beliefs, my partner & his brother are but not their parents. It's just hard when I want to see him in the evening ( even so be it 6pm ) and he has to literally beg his parents to go out somewhere even though I will repeat again he is an adult.

Has anyone ever been in some similar sorts of situations? TIA :)

Wow, a celibate mummy's boy. I can totally see the appeal.

I don't think this is a 'religeon' issue, it's an over-bearing parents that he won't do anything about issue.

He's entitled to his Christian beliefs, and with sex before marriage, if you can't face that idea, then you're with the wrong person.

However the fact that his parents appear to treat him like he's 7 is very worrying, and I will become unbearable.

I'd walk.

This is a non-starter as you don't share his faith and his values re sex. This means there's no long-term future here, and a short term relationship would presumably be about sex - which he doesn't want until marriage.

I'm also wondering what type of Christian he is if he is fine with no sex until marriage, but is not following the Biblical guidance to avoid being 'unequally yoked' to a non-believer? Is he very new in the faith? Or does he not envisage being 'yoked' wth you at all?

And this is before even considering the home situation, which everyone else has covered perfectly.

This relationship will be a disaster if you stay with this person, you are a healthy woman with natural desires that he is not responding to, go find a person without all these hang ups.

He comes from a severely dysfunctional background and it will take a lot of therapy for him to get over it. His parents are obviously abusive but he's going along with it. It sounds like Stockholm Syndrome.

I would run a mile from something this toxic.

I'm also wondering what type of Christian he is if he is fine with no sex until marriage, but is not following the Biblical guidance to avoid being 'unequally yoked' to a non-believer? Is he very new in the faith? Or does he not envisage being 'yoked' wth you at all?

He may be praying for her to come to Jesus of course.
Poor lad probably doesn't know exactly what he wants.

I think you might be right. I had a relative who suddenly found religion. Wanted to become a vicar. All the time growing up I’d assumed he was gay, never occurred to me he was anything else. Met a lovely girl and strung her along for years, no sex before marriage, no living together.
After about 10 years they eventually married and split up within a year. I was convinced until he died he was gay and the religion was a cover up.

Run, OP, too many 🚩 🚩 . Who gives up their phone to their parents at 11 pm unless they’re under 16? And his car keys?

Which part? The no intamacy or the way his parents control him ?

I'm 25, he's 23 before I'm 26 so just over 2 years older than him - I'm not even sure, he has no feelings towards moving out as I've told him to try and get out the house, I'm starting to think he's just a bit of a baby at this point

At what point did you read that I'm trying to pressure him into sex?😂 you've just made that up in your head and ran with it😭😂

😭😂

Does this mean that Christian's are meant to be with another Christian? Because I've been born into the Christian faith I just don't practice it - yes he's very new to it he only discovered his relationship with god about a year ago!

Both! But particularly part 2 (part one is personal choice)
My grandad was a vicar and didn’t control any of his 4 kids!!!

I'm puzzled by this.

So his parents aren't Christian but use his beliefs to chide and control him?

They take his phone from him. I want to ask if he pays for the contract?

How old is he?

op, is he of west african origin by any chance, that seems to be where ive seen this happen a lot.

You're 25. There's a whole world out there, go and live your life.

Don't settle for heavy petting some dysfunctional boyfriend in your child's home.

Work on raising your standards significantly.