How to leave someone you still love?

[danid26]

Hi all,

Bit of a long one. Last year, a woman stated to her friends (who just so happen to be mutual to me also) that she was having an affair with my husband, she was drunk and extremely brazen about the whole thing. My friends obviously told me this, I confronted H and he denied the whole thing, and basically did the 'script'. I had not long given birth to our DD and almost died PP and was unwell for around 10 months after I gave birth.

Fast forwards a year later, the same thing happened again, but this time there was alleged witnesses, although I've never seen black and white proof myself and never found anything, how many more signs to I need? My gut tells me this did happen sadly.

My question is, I know I need to leave, we own a house together, he is the main earner and I mainly look after our DD, whilst working two days a week and I truly do love him also. We've been together since we were 15, we are now 30. It's been your typical romance, and I've been with him for half of my life. I'm terrifed, but I ultimately do not trust him at all. How do you leave someone you still love?

Go for individual counselling to talk through your feelings and get clear how you want to move forward. Take time to think about what you would need to do to live independently as a single parent. Get legal advice about the marital assets and what you would be entitled to in a divorce. Put your logical head on and quietly go about getting your ducks in a row. Don’t tell him anything. Just do some forward planning and go to counselling to deal with the emotional side of things.

How can you love someone you do not trust? How can you love someone who doesn't love you? If they did, they wouldn't be cheating on you multiple times.

I suspect you have to realise they don't love you the way you should be loved and you prioritise respect for yourself above your love for him. Maybe some counselling would help? Counselling and squirreling away money and finding more work so you know you have a viable future on your own financially. That way your feelings for him aren't complicated by financial dependence

You realise you love yourself more.

Do you trust the witnesses - have you spoken to them?

A drunk woman's stories are not always true. Sometimes they are what they want to be true.

I'm confused what the same thing happening again was? Is it the same woman making the same claims?
What did the alleged witnesses allegedly witness?

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Counselling by yourself would be a good idea if you can afford it or see if there is a local charity that will do reduced rates.

Read the Chumplady website or get her book if you have decided to leave and you want motivation.