Hello all,
Id like to share my personal experience with my in laws in the hope that it may resonate with some of you and you might like to share your experiences.
My Husband and I have been married for almost 5 years and get along well with each others families. Or so I thought. My family adore my Husband and he has said how loving and welcoming they have been to him. He and my brothers are very close and it’s a joy to see their relationship. My Husband has two siblings and two children from his previous marriage. They are lovely and we get on well. His parents are nice people, they took early retirement and live 30 miles away from us. They rarely accept our invitations to BBQ’s, dinners, family events etc because they say we live too far away. Yet they visit my Father in law’s mother who lives 160 miles away roughly every 3 months. In 5 years they have visited us twice. When they did visit, I felt it palpable they couldn’t wait to leave. They weren’t rude as such but appeared to be uncomfortable and the Easter dinner felt very awkward. If it weren’t for me and my Husband making conversation, I think we would have spent most of it in silence. My Husband and I have visited them I’d say once a month, along with other local family members. The visits are painfully boring and awkward. In the 5 years we have been married, my in laws have never asked me a single question. I have made an effort to get to know them, listen to them talk about themselves and others at length and the conversation has always remained one sided. I’d like to think I’m reasonably good at reading a room and try not to ask too many questions or to pry. But my goodness, it’s like getting blood from a stone. My view is that it’s polite and actually fun getting to know others. The lack of interest and effort is in my opinion, rude and not particularly welcoming. My Husband leaves gift giving to me, which I take no issue with. We have 11 nieces and nephews between us, 6 siblings, both sets of parents, his grandparents and his two children. We have never received anything in return from his side of the family. Not even a thank you. I have always loved spending special occasions with family, Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, holy communions etc. Recently we went to my Husbands cousins wedding. It was great, they had so many friends and family and it was lovely to see how popular and loved they are. My Husbands parents had nothing positive to say about the day. The Victor Meldrew types of people drain me and I would normally swerve them in favour of hanging out with people that are more engaging. My brother in law is also pretty miserable and dysfunctional but I’ve always got on well with him by finding common ground and rubbing along together we’ll. He’s unhappily married with 4 children and has been having an on/off affair for longer than I’ve been with my Husband. He regularly moves out of the marital home and into his girlfriends home only to move back into the marital home. This cycle repeats itself a few times a year. Recently I messaged friends and family about a surprise party I’m throwing for my Husbands birthday. When my brother in laws adult daughters replied I said I was looking forward to seeing them at my mother in laws - their grandmothers - birthday meal the following week. They had no idea about the meal and had not been invited. My brother in law sent a pretty rude and angry text to my Husband asking why I was speaking to his daughters and that I’d dropped him in it. Unbeknown to me, my mother in law’s birthday meal was kept hush hush from his children so that their mother didn’t get wind of it and want an invitation. I decided not to go to my mother in laws birthday meal because I’ve had enough of their proverbial. They make me feel like I’m too involved, unwelcome and disliked. Which in itself doesn’t massively bother me, I have plenty of friends and family I’d rather spend time with. I find the dynamics of my in laws and their family completely strange. I’d love to hear your similar experiences.
A brief caveat to add - my family has its pockets of dysfunction and I’m no polly Anna. I’ve made plenty of mistakes as have my family members. We’re all equal on this earth.