Valentines card from platonic friend

[Jayjay1968]

Am I overthinking this? A male friend who I’ve known for over 15 years sent me a Valentine’s Day card (anonymously) with the words ‘hey beautiful, I love you’ on the front of it……he is 100% only a platonic friend (on my side anyway). I didn’t know how to respond to this card so when he kept asking me how many cards I had I laughed it off and said none…. He then admitted that he’d sent me a card, hmmm. Then during our texts over the weekend he kept saying things like “is there a cinema near you, can we go”…. Again I kinda laughed it off and said “I gave up going to cinemas because I always fall asleep before the movie starts”….to which he replied “I’d love to fall asleeP with you in the cinema, I often dream of falling asleep with you, wrapped in each other arms, in a meaningful way of course”…….. I’m kind of feeling cross (and a bit grossed out) with him now as I feel like he’s crossed the friendship boundary and now I feel uncomfortable and don’t know how to reply to his messages (just for clarity, I don’t think he’s ever had a girlfriend and whilst we do tell each other we love each other it’s always along the lines of ‘i love you and I’m grateful to have you as my best friend’). How do I go about saying thanks for the card but I don’t feel it’s appropriate…. He c can be a bit overbearing at times and will try and make out it was only ‘platonic’ but the card itself wasn’t really what you’d send to a friend?

Pull him up on it immediately- tell him he’s not listening to anything you’re saying and is starting to come across as creepy. Tell him it’s giving you the ick, he’s absolutely not allowed to isn’t, and he needs to seriously calm this all down and back right off if there is even a tiny chance for the friendship to continue. If this gets ignored, block him. You tried.

He’s 57, always lived on his own…I don’t think he’s had anything (not that he’s told me at least but I’m 99% sure he would’ve). We’ve had small arguments over the years about various things when he’s talked to me like I’m dumb woman and tried to force his opinions on me but these have always been sorted out….but this time he’s just ignoring everything I’ve said (and I was very very blunt when I texted him and said he’d made me feel uncomfortable). I’m just ignoring him now x

I’m fairly sure that he wouldn’t just turn up (lives 3hrs away) because he has a dog that goes everywhere with him and nobody who could look after it, a tiny little poodle type thing but I also have a rescue dog (who’s not dog friendly due to abuse in his first home), and I’ve told him in the past that my dog would probably eat his so hopefully that would be enough to keep him away! 🙈😂

Yep that’s what I’m thinking, there wasn’t even an “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable “…he could’ve said a 1000 things to make light of it…not try and invite himself up for Holiday !🤦‍♀️

Just put him straight. I've had this with a male friend..no longer a friend..who used to say things like ' oh I wonder where this could go'..' are we more than just friends?'. Nothing on his part to think that at all, I nipped it in the bud immediately.

Absolutely, I don’t even want to speak to him at the moment…his response to me telling him it made me feel uncomfortable was totally bizarre, he’s just ignoring everything I’ve said

He's 57 and never had a girlfriend. So it's hardly surprising that his advances are going to be a bit clunky, bit like you might expect from an inexperienced teenager. His situation also suggests there might be some neurodiversity involved here? Bit harsh everyone saying he's creepy, might just be the inexperience and lack of social skills. But now you've made it absolutely clear that you don't want anything more than friendship he needs to dial back the romance (not clear if he has or not - might he just be overly trying to maintain the existing friendship)? I suspect though, that the previous friendship is irretrievably broken, and you may well end up having to block him entirely.