You’d want to know, right?

[LeSquigh]

I’m in a quandary and I REALLY don’t know what to do and I’ve been thinking about what I should do for months and I’ve come up with no answers so I’m turning to you lot for advice.

I have a very good friend who despite being a lovely friend is most definitely not a great person to be in a romantic relationship with. She has had a string of short to medium term relationships and has never stayed faithful to any of them. She has been seeing her current “partner” for nearly a year but has had someone on the side for almost the duration of this relationship. Honestly I don’t know where she gets the energy as she works full time and also has two kids. I have met her (actual) partner a few times - he seems lovely and we have some mutual friends and they all speak very highly of him. His ex wasn’t very nice by all accounts and in my friend he clearly thinks he has found “the one”. Obviously I know what she’s been up to and I know she won’t change. They are starting to introduce their children and there has been early talk of moving in together at some point soon.

I am torn because my loyalty should of course be to my friend but she is already shitting on him and will likely continue to do so. She has no intention of sacking off the other one and finds it amusing. However he is about to throw himself fully into this with everything that entails and he also has young kids who will end up hurt too I’m sure so I feel like an absolute shit for standing by and watching this happen.

I don’t want to ruin my friendship but I also don’t want kids lives to be ruined. I feel so uncomfortable about all this and I just don’t know what to do. If I were him I would want to know. I definitely would.

any advice?

I don't think I'd want to be friends with someone who treats other people so badly. So I can't say for sure what I'd do in this situation. I think I'd feel bad for her partner and while I wouldn't necessarily think it's my place to tell him, I'd fade out my friendship with her.

I couldn't be friends with someone like this, tell him and ditch her. What a rubbish upbringing for those poor kids.

If you're sure of what you know then I would be willing to lose the friendship over this. It's just not the way to treat people. Not if he's planning to move and there are kids involved. Let the poor sod know. I would tell him to his face if you can.l then there's no chance of her interfering.

If you have any sort of proof show him but if you don't, don't go digging, just tell him what you know then you've done what you can.

I think with loyalties this way round i may not get involved for a regretful drunken one night stand (although wouldn't lie if asked directly) but a parallel relationship and he's none the wiser? That's not ok.

Don't follow up or call her out. If he decides to accept it and carry on, that's his decision but at least he knows.

I think he really needs to know. Imagine watching it all go wrong for him and his dc, if you didn't warn him.

I would tell him - when there are Dc’s involved that will be impacted you can’t just leave it.

Then I would definitely ditch the friend - I couldn’t be friends with someone like that whatever the shared history.

I’ve been in your situation and before that I always said ‘I’d always tell the person if I knew they were being cheated on’ as I thought it would be easy. Alas, I found myself in your situation a couple of years ago and felt exactly the same as you. I did in the end, tell him. It did ruin my friendship but I felt a weight lifted. The difference was my friend had used me as an alibi to have this affair. So she’d tell her boyfriend she was with me when she wasn’t. In the end I leaked the info. Her boyfriend had text me to ask when she was going to be home, and I ended up saying ‘hey I don’t know what you mean? She’s not with me, sorry’ followed with a screenshot of her location (she used to have me on find my friends) and it showed she was round the corner from her house where she was evidently just sat in her car on the phone to this man. Anyway, it worked but I did lose both friendships. Sending you hugs OP x