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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Overdone Dating Apps got no choice but to leave

9 replies

violetskyy · 16/02/2025 23:45

Can anyone relate or tell me a positive story? I am 35 years old. Been single for years now. Desperate to have children but don't want to do it alone. I feel so pressured all the time to be dating and meeting new men.

But after a year of solid online dating on Bumble and Hinge, I've had to delete the apps as I keep seeing the same people again and again and I feel I have exhausted these apps as far as I can go! It's getting to the point where people say they have seen me on the app before and I recognise the same profiles as well. Last year I went on about 2 dates a month. I have tried to refresh my profile a number of times and kept the photos no older than 2 years, but I don't go out on a night out like I used to, so I rarely have photo opportunities anymore and its rare for me to like a selfie. I feel like if everyone has seen me and I've seen them, my chances aren't going to change much.

I feel like perhaps I should just take a break but will it need to be long enough in order for the people on there to change much? I don't know.

I'm torn between deleting the apps and staying away for the next 6 months or something, but then I'm getting older and older and not meeting people!😢

OP posts:
Lavenderblossoms · 16/02/2025 23:47

Ever tried in real life dating events? Dating agency? Speed dating. Meetup.com? All of these could be something new and it gets you out.

VashtiPurple · 17/02/2025 00:02

Look at Burned Haystack Dating on Facebook or Jennie Young on Instagram.

violetskyy · 17/02/2025 00:07

I didn't know what Burned Haystack was, but just googled it and I already do this anyway! For example, if they don't say they are open to having children or want children or have that they are unsure about it, I immediately swipe left. I don't have time to waste at this point

OP posts:
VashtiPurple · 17/02/2025 00:33

violetskyy · 17/02/2025 00:07

I didn't know what Burned Haystack was, but just googled it and I already do this anyway! For example, if they don't say they are open to having children or want children or have that they are unsure about it, I immediately swipe left. I don't have time to waste at this point

There is a way of blocking the men for good so they don’t get recycled to you. Swiping left isn’t enough. On Bumble select Report and click “I’m just not interested” - you won’t see them again.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 17/02/2025 00:36

I just googled what it was and found this.

https://medium.com/@ellyklein/burned-haystack-dating-method-review-why-the-burned-haystack-dating-method-doesnt-really-work-3f9ad995ec02

In the article they point out that over time a man will change, have different wants and if you’ve blocked him and he still has that new changed profile you won’t see him again.

OneFineDay13 · 17/02/2025 00:52

Try a paid dating site? fresh meat

ViciousCurrentBun · 17/02/2025 01:14

I know dating is dominated by dating apps but what else do you do socially? I was looking for walking and hiking groups when I retired. Whilst looking in meet up there were a few walking groups for younger people with age ranges. There must be loads of groups on there, what interests do you have?

Jupiterscallisto · 17/02/2025 01:45

I resented the algorithms on both Bumble and Hinge. Tried Facebook and now I'm getting married. Any app is like wading through treacle, but I wasn't going to be manipulated into paying for premium. Soon to be husband was on Hinge at the same time and we never saw each other in spite of living two miles apart.

NameGameBame · 17/02/2025 01:55

I was OLD for about five years, with gaps for relationships, so 28-35. Went on about two dates a week, so literally hundreds of them. Had a couple of shortish relationships (a year and 18 months), met DH and now very happily married.

I LOVED OLD, though. Genuinely enjoyed myself. Lovely men, great conversations, fun dates. OLD was basically my hobby. 🤣

Inlive in London, though. So the supply of new matches was pretty much inexhaustible. Do you live in a small town? Maybe widen your geographical parameters?

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