Partner thinks I act older than him

[RayBobs]

He said this to me tonight. I can only take it as a negative comment. We are both early 50’s. Says I hang out with friends who are older (some are, some aren’t), says the style of my flat is older (I like mid century modern and have a lot of plants).

I disagree, and could say he is set in his ways, refuses to try new things, sleeps a lot. But I don’t throw this in his face like he did to me this evening.

Guess I am the sensible one with a steady job, my own home (he does not).

i’m just venting and sometimes fed up being the adult in the relationship.

Just negging isn’t it.

I’ve never heard of Negging (cos i’m so
old 🤣) , am just reading up on it…..

What's he actually got going for him?

Oh I get it, negative feedback.
Now, I have pulled him up on being overly critical - guess its a similar thing

DH said something like this to me once, I can't remember the exact context or phrasing but he cheerfully and thoughtlessly said, "Oh I always think of myself as being younger than you".
He's ten years older than me.

I said nothing but as "revenge", when we're visiting his home place in the summer and we happen to meet and chat to people I know he was in school with, especially women, after we continue on our walk I say , "Oh Jenny was in your year at school wasn't she?". It's a nice country village where men and women alike are outside in the weather a lot, living their lives, and just happily aging normally so a lot of the women have grey hair in a ponytail, lines and mid fifties bodies in jeans and jumpers. Looking like me in ten years in fact. I do secretly enjoy the very slightly uncomfortable expression on the self styled Peter Bloody Pan's face when he agrees that yes they are his classmates. I feel like saying yep that is what a 55 year old woman looks like. And you are the male version. And I will be the female version in 10 years time.

@powershowerforanhour think you proved your point. Lol

In my opinion, the culture of pandering to older men that they still look as handsome as they did in their 20s, while whipping up a panic about lines, grey hair etc in any woman over 40, makes a lot of men in real life imagine they look more youthful than their female partners. My personal view is that they're deluding themselves. 😀

Edited to add: have written that as if it's all about looks, when it's much more. No, wearing sports gear / cycling does not make you 'pass for 15 years younger' 😁

So what do you like about eachother? Because you talk about your partner how I talk about my boss who I think is a bit of a knobhead and who I definitely wouldn't be in a relationship with.

Why are you dating someone who puts you down and is critical, doesn't have a steady job or own home, is set in his ways, refuses to try new things and sleeps a lot?

Is his negging working on you and chipping away your self-esteem? Cos it's hard to see why else you'd be with him.

He has def hit a nerve with me tonight. Shocked he thinks i’m older. Insecurities that he wants a younger partner and that i’m no fun. Or maybe that I am overreacting?
its horrible when someone makes you question all that.

If your partner says things that you don't like, then don't be with them anymore.

mid century modern

What is mid century modern? 1950s?

Yeah, you've got it arse about face, haven't you? He's a bit of a loser by the sounds of it, and he's making you insecure.

Yes, I am starting to question that 🫤

@Shinyandnew1 its just a fancy name for second hand. I have retro furniture, am trying to make it look trendy, I am not always successful - but its comfy and i love it

Morning op, sorry it's me again. Was thinking about your thread and just going "the audacity" "the cheeky bastard" to myself 😂

What's the quote: "lord grant me the confidence of a mediocre middle-aged man"?

I just feel like it's a real shame that you've found this bloke (who no doubt enjoys the benefits of your lovely home and you being "the adult" in the relationship), tears you down and deflates you.

Basically he sees your lovely plate of chips (friends, home, job etc) and he pisses all over them.

And what does he bring to the party?!

Honestly the blokes who neg you do it because they're inadequate dipshits that realise if you knew your worth you wouldn't bother with them.

He sounds like a man who is trying to unsettle you and make you feel unhappy

Sadly no love there

Where do you see this relationship going, with him not having a steady job or home ?
It's clear where he sees it going, hence why he is casting his eye over your home with a proprietary gaze.

Your flat sounds lovely and it's good to have friends who are older and younger. It think it's pretty mean spirited of him to make these comments. Sounds like he think he's pretty youthful. I bet he's not.

What on earth makes you think that a critical, deluded, ageing Peter Pan who ‘sleeps a lot’ is going to be in any way appealing to a younger woman? Or an older woman?

What’s more concerning is that his negging appears to be working — here you are feeling insecure, and wondering whether he’s got a 35 year old underwear model on the side, rather than wondering what he’s bringing to the table other than sleeping and negativity.

It sounds like he's panicking and insecure about his own ageing, so he's projecting it on you!

Also your flat sounds lovely!

Thank you so much for such lovely comments and support. I need to decide how to deal with the negativity. But have a feeling of clarity after reading your responses.
👐😍