Depression in relationship

[user1463347311]

I’m at a loss what to do.

ive been really really horrible to my partner for years now, ive been pushing him away because i felt empty and i (wrongly) assumed it was because i didn’t love him anymore. i think the problem is more that i have depression and ive blamed what’s closest to me rather than considering the problem could be within me.

we’ve been together almost 15 years and he just moved out the other day after a small fight . I realised in that moment that i was wrong, that i do love him and that I don’t want to break our family up but i think it’s just too late. I spoke to him, I apologised over and over and he said he accepts my apology but he’s won’t come home.

I don’t even know what I’m asking for here, I don’t know what I can even say to him. I know this is all my own fault.

Sounds like he’s done. The pushing him away and making him feel unwanted/unloved just came to a head. Not just about what you want but sounds like he’s decided being apart best for him.
Really sad that the epiphany came too late OP. That’s tragic. Not a thing you can do but after all you’ve both suffered - kindest thing be just wish him well and start trying to build your life again.
If he was my brother I’d be telling him not to go back in case same thing happened again. All of us deserve to feel respected, loved and wanted.

Well, as said before, you have probably burned your bridges and the best thing you can do is be kind to him now and set him free. Let him find someone who will treat him with the love and respect he deserves and you get the help you need. Counselling would be a good start on the road to recovery.