No soul mate

[LilyAnn13]

i sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have a husband or a partner who you still have by your side after many years.
I´m in my early 50s, never been married, only ever had 1 relationship in my early 20s.
I know that you can have this and it still could end in divore/separation, but I
don´t have a soul mate or a love of my life.
What`s that like?

My soul mate is my best friend. I have a husband, he’s a good man. But he’s not my soul mate or my best friend. I already had one of those when I met him. I didn’t need another one

I don’t believe in soul mates. It’s a daft term. But I’ve been married to my DH for 35 years and he is definitely my best friend. He’s always there for me, and I for him.

I have a soul mate who isn't a romantic partner, but I do wish I'd married for a lifetime. I see friends now hitting their 30th wedding anniversaries and would have loved that.

'Soul mate' is as silly a concept as 'The One', or that 'Twin Flame' nonsense that was doing the rounds a while back. It's perfectly possible to be married, and married perfectly happily, to someone who is not at all your soul mate or the love of your life.

Would you like a relationship, OP?

I know what you mean. I'm 36 and have only had 1 relationship I often wonder what it's like for people who met someone young and stayed together for years sad I never had that.

I always feel sorry for these people. You need some experience of different relationships to be able to determine if you are with the right one. IMO.

I wasn’t bothered one way or another when I met H, we were both 30, both at the same stage in life, enjoyed the freedom of our 20s but both wanted kids. I had no idea he was my “soul mate” at first but fairly quickly it became obvious we were better people together.

We were more relaxed, felt able to take chances because we each had a back up, there was never any worry about trust when apart, we could hang out with his friends, my friends, all our friends or just together, or alone. It was, still is, the easiest relationship I have ever had.

We’ve so far brought up two teens, moved house for his work, worked together to make our finances work for the life choices we want. We have worked through breavements, illness, other family moving, kids being up and down, and through all the tough times we haven’t faltered in our love for the kids and each other.

I can tell him anything, even if it’s loopy lou insane insecure stuff and never fear his reaction or response. He’s the only male I want to be bear naked.

Now 50, still working, still ferrying teens around, looking towards early retirement we try to keep our connection. We have foot rubs most evenings at the end of the day whilst watching an episode of something before bed (he even does it after a hard day with a “that’s all you’re getting’” sometimes which is still funny because he still does it)

We have and still laugh all the time, and found bringing up our kids an endless source of love and joy. Health all going well we look forward to what comes next whilst fully loving where we are right now.

I am sure this relationship wouldn’t be for everyone, that’s an insane assumption. But for me finding my partner in life crime is all this.

We are better people, for both ourselves and everyone around us being together. That’s what soul mate means/is like for me.

I’ve been married now divorced, but only had a few boyfriends in total.

it’s sad but in my 40’s I realise I’ve never had a ‘sole mate’ I’ve never felt anyone had my back in my relationships I’ve always felt alone. I’ve had a best friend for a few years at high school but she dropped me during university and I’ve never found out why. She’s the only best friend I’ve ever had. I seem to have lots of friends but nobody wants me as a best friend.

like the OP I’d love to have that experience

I wouldn't use the word soul mate, but I felt with xh that we had the greatest love of all time.

I was happier than I ever thought possible for about 5 years (till his depression made him close down).

I've been single now a very long time and I wish I didn't know how good it could be. Every day I crave that happiness.

I certainly do not believe it is better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all. If I could delete the memory I would.

"I always feel sorry for these people. You need some experience of different relationships to be able to determine if you are with the right one. IMO."

Each to their own but I wouldn't know that either as I have only had one relationship that ended nearly a decade ago and still single no relationship before that just users so definitely envious of those that met the one early and didn't need to filter through all the crap trying to find a decent one

i find it strange that people can’t find soulmates
that’s not meant to be patronising or unkind but just a degree of empathy, kindness and openness brings al sorts into your friendship spectrum. Let’s be honest you usually know pretty quickly after meeting if your likely to gel with that person or not.
OK I except that you have to be tough, strong and maybe have had to had some good/bad life experiences to be that way and not everyone has the personality to be that way but openness a kind ear will bring others into your friendship spectrum.
For example my soulmate, my platonic rock is probably a better word, is a 60yr old Gayish, occasional cross dresser divorced guy.
We’ve been pals for over 12yrs holiday sometimes live together probably half the time and spend almost all our free time together.

Be open be kind and be there!

I often wonder this. I was in the last chance saloon when I met DP.

I've never fallen in love or had anybody fall in love with me at the same time. I've never had really good sex, just men that want a wank body. Had my heart broken many times, by men that were actually shit.

I used to be very romantic but now I feel like a good relationship is the exception rather than the norm.

It's complicated!

I met my DH at 17, been together nearly 40 years

I would be lost without him