Saw an old (male) friend

[Springiscoming112]

Me and my son went to do our hobby today. I bumped into an old friend. Had not seen him for a good 10 or so years. We automatically hugged each other and had a short conversation about how we were. I introduced my DS. He was talking about his DC. It was like we had only seen each other the other day.

We bumped into each other again and just had a small talk about our hobby.

After this afternoon I've felt a bit down. He's a lovely guy and back when we were at school we were always flirty with each other. I think we have kissed before but never slept with each other. There was always laughter and flirting.
However nothing came of it because I always friendzoned him. I've always gone for unhealthy toxic relationships and went for the wrong men who never treated me right.
Btw I would never pursue him as he's married but just made me think about the nice guys in my past that I pushed away due to my unhealthy upbringing.
Now I'm single and have never had a healthy relationship. Today's interaction just made me feel sad.
Just had to write it down somewhere as don't feel I can talk to anyone else about it.

It sounds like you are sad about the lack of meaningful relationship rather than this man specifically, is that right? It also sounds like you've learnt a lot from the past, which means future relationships are likely to be better

I was about to say go for it until I saw he was married.

PLEASE STAY WELL AWAY.

Yes not him as such but the nice men like him in my past that I turned away and friendzoned when they were nothing but nice people. However I've just gone for awful abusive men. He just reminded me today of this fact and I could have had a different experience of relationships:(

I think at some point we have all had that 'what might have been?' moment, and wonder what our life might have been like had things turned out differently. Don't beat yourself up over it.

I'm not a homewrecker i wouldn't do that. I've been cheated on many times so I know how awful it is

Given the content of the OP's.post, this was completely unnecessary 🙄

OP, I think this is a perfectly normal response, actually. He was a meaningful part of your past and seeing him has made you reflect that with the experience you have gained since.

I'd take it as a bit of a sign that you need to look at your current life and what you want your future life to look like amd take steps to make that happen.

Maybe therapy?

I've had many years of therapy. Tbh I'm in a better place of recognising why I went for the toxic guys and spotting red flags. However I have repeated patterns which now I'm so worried about going into another relationship that I avoid it. Just can't seem to get it right. Then I see people from my past like him and I think why can I not just have a nice easy relationship 😢

Just coming on to write as I can't really talk to anyone about this. Just feeling sad tonight.
Has anyone got any happy stories on how you met your partner later after you'd had children? Would be nice to hear tonight

Anyone?