No understanding

[lolanotzola]

Name changed for this
I have a significant severe MH condition. It's managed but at the moment I'm so unhappy with work and it's profoundly affecting me.
Had a job offer to go back to a role less paid. I feel like I'm on the brink of relapse.
Told husband today how I'm feeling and I basically got gaslit- a lecture on how I should stay and it's a step back no understanding it was awful

What I wanted was for him to say let's get you feeling ok and do what we have to do.
When I lost my temper he then gaslit me and said he had said it

He never ever has my back, no understanding of my MH. I often think if I had a physical condition he might understand. The risk with me is I decline further and get sectioned. I feel sick with anxiety around work, so unhappy and dreading it. I can't cope with it any more
I'm not sure if there's any coming back
I feel so alone

I don't know the specifics of your condition but surely part of the source is stress for most things.

You hate your job and your partner seems to be a knob. So...quit the job and dump the loser?
Get out of your own way. You can't heal a wound with the bullet still lodged in it.

Take action, solve the physical, tangible contributers to your mental health issues.

Take the new job at least. Don't stay in a job you're miserable in.

I'm sorry you feel so alone. You say he never has your back so I would stop looking to him for support.

If your job is affecting you that badly then take the other position. If therapy would be useful try BACP.

I would also see your GP and ask about medication or have your medication adjusted if it's no longer working for you. It's useful to keep your GP updated on your mental health. They may also know of local support that could be helpful.

You might find other things helpful such as Magnesium, vitamin D and B complex. Try and get some exercise every day even if it's just walking around the block.

He wasn't gaslighting you.

I'm already under the community mental health team.

It was the response I got that really hurt me but didn't surprise me.
Thank you for the replies

And I do feel I was gaslit that's my view and how it felt which is valid

This ⬆️

Not sure you understand what gaslighting is OP. Your husband is a knob...but he's not gaslighting you.

Not really @lolanotzola . Gaslighting - Wikipedia

Gaslighting is when someone does or says something then makes you think you imagined it.
It looks like what he did was being dismissive of your feelings.

He should have your back, and not dismiss your feelings.

You need to put your mental health first. It’s worth trying to talk to your husband again.

If you’ve been together a while he must have some understanding and your condition must be very hard for you both to live with. Can your household afford the drop in income or would it put you in hardship?

Could you get signed off from your current job and have some time to think about how to proceed?

I don’t think making major changes to jobs or relationships are wise when you’re currently so unwell and things are so unstable. He didn’t say exactly what you wanted him to say so you’ve accused him of gaslighting you and say you don’t see a way back. That reaction doesn’t suggest your reactions are necessarily serving you well right now.

Whatever it was (sounds like you are right to me, and only you were actually there)... he's making you feel really unhappy.

A wise quote I once heard and I lived with this type of abuse for years, thinking I was the problem. 'If you are feeling depressed, check that you aren't actually surrounded by assholes.' It served me well...