Should I leave him?

[Amy147]

Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, 2 years ago I fell pregnant. At first we were both so happy about it, the next he was horrible telling me he didn’t know what he wanted and that I should consider an abortion. Then he revealed for the first 2 years we were together, he’d been doing cocaine on nights out and that it wasn’t something he was proud of which is why he hid it (he’d always stay in his mums after a night out). It took a while to come round to this (due to past trauma with my ex who had a cocaine addiction) but I thought as long as it’s night out only and he doesn’t come back to the house it was harmless, I was hoping the older he got the more he’d think about stopping it. Fast forward to this week, we went to a family member’s funeral, he was fine all day had a few drinks nothing too much, I went home to look after the kids and he stayed out which I was fine with on the promise of him not taking any drugs. That night he came home 3 hours after he said he would, as he was talking to me I noticed the signs, asked him whether he had taken anything which he of course denied. I told him to go to the bathroom look at his nose which he did, he then came back and admitted he had taken cocaine. I told him I was disappointed he’d done it, he said it doesn’t change who he is as a person and that it doesn’t change the fact he loves me. He then said he wasn’t going to stay home and he was going to his mums as he couldn’t cope with the fact I was disappointed and he didn’t want to lay in bed feeling guilty. But before he left he said I just needed to get over it and it’s not like he’s addicted, and that he wouldn’t stop doing it for his family.
I just needed some advice on what to do as we have a child together, and the last thing I want is to break our family apart.

I don't think you need to ask, tbh.

and that he wouldn’t stop doing it for his family

If that's the case, your children will be grow up around a drug user. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone on drugs.

I don't think you have a choice. For many parents drugs is a red line. Let him go to his mum and see if she indulges his victim status.

Better to be from a so called broken home than to remain in one. You cannot rescuer and or save him from himself and he does not want your help or support (not that you can help him in any event).

And if he that bothered about his child then he can see his child at a contact centre. He is not safe enough to be around you let alone his child.

Tell him to go to his mums permanently. Not only is he a drug user but he has categorically told you that he won’t stop, not even for his family. That’s how much he loves you and his child. Drugs come first. His fun nights out come first. You need to suck it up. How do you know he won’t have drugs in the house or traces in his hands when he’s holding the children? You don’t. Drug users are sneaky. End it now and save yourself the hassle.

Sadly, this is exactly it OP. He’s made it clear he’s not going to change because his family isn’t that important to him.

I've seen horrific outcomes from cocaine use. Please don't expose yourself and your children to it.

the last thing I want is to break our family apart.

It's already broken.

Broken by a man who puts his needs first, and then re-broken by a woman putting his needs first too, then hers second. Both of you are putting the child last by your actions. You cannot safely raise a child with a drug user around, even a part time one. For a start drugs cost money - why isn't he using that on the home or the child?

Children don't need to be brought up around addicts. Coke aggression and psychosis is real and frightening. I'm sure you're already aware of the paranoia.

You need to get your child away from him. Please do the Freedom Programme as this is your second relationship with an addict.

You were with an addict before so you know how bad this can get Op. You need to break up for your DC, he won't stop and in time they will suffer, cocaine can make people paranoid and psychotic and that's dangerous, to you, to your DC.
He doesn't even think he should have to see your disappointment, he's not a good man

Leave. Dont go back. He’s a danger to him, you and your kid. You shouldn’t have had a kid with him, you should t have got back with him. Just leave. No brainer.

he wouldn’t stop doing it for his family

So he won't even stop doing it for his own child. His own child is not enough to make him stop. He is absolute scum! You need to give him an ultimatum, he stops or you're over for good. His partner and child, or cocaine. He needs to make a choice.