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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you bring this up without it turning turning into a row

1 reply

Kittykatastrophe · 14/02/2025 23:45

Me and my DP have been together a small number of years , no cohabitation or anything like that . We met through mutual friends . There's almost a hundred miles difference between us , he has kids I also have one too.
He has a strange relationship with the mother of his kids . To be honest I'm not even sure if they were even over when we got together looking back and pulling it all apart .
His ex is clearly still not over him after all this time and he gets multiple messages trying to instigate a reconciliation (the ones I know about anyway 🙄)
He insists I was never a secret but she only found out after we'd been together after quite sometime and was a bit miffed (to put it mildly) and retaliated by denying access to the children because he'd got together with someone else .
Last year I took my kids away on a shot holiday . We didn't really speak as he was ill with a big or so he says and he either didn't answer the phone or was only speaking a short time because he felt so poorly .
A few weeks ago after a few drinks he said about how she'd rang that weekend needing a favour , some item of furniture moving or something and then when it came to it , it turned out the task was already done but she hadn't told him not to go to her house .
I can't believe I didn't latch on and hash it out but now I wonder if something happened between them , other stuff is making me feel very suspicious.
I need to get it off my chest but if I try to voice my concerns he gets annoyed and makes me feel awful .
However this in my head is that bad I've started to think I've had enough wether I get to the bottom of it or not
How to I set this discussion off?

OP posts:
category12 · 14/02/2025 23:51

What's the point of hashing it out?

You don't trust him (which seems perfectly valid), he's not a faithful man, you live 100 miles apart, your lives aren't hugely intertwined.

What's the point of it all? Surely you'd be better off calling it a day and once you're feeling better, finding someone more local.

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