To wonder if she’ll message me

[Shyguy25]

Hi all,

Im a single dad ( seperated) and a couple of times a week I’ll do the nursery drop off or pick up.
Last few months I’ve been chatting to another nursery mum ( also single ). No real deep conversations, just general stuff really.

Our kids are a year apart in age.

Anyway last week I was plucking up the courage to ask her if she wanted to meet for a coffee or something.

So today after the school drop off this morning I asked her if she’d be interested in going out for a coffee. I don’t see her this afternoon as I picked my son up at lunchtime, she would have picked her up later in the afternoon.

She said yes and asked if I’m on social media to arrange a date, I told her that Im
not ,as I no longer use facebook or anything(I decided I didn’t want to use it anymore years ago). She said ok I’ll take your number then to me.I stupidly didn’t take hers though and she put it in her phone.

Anyway I asked how she’s fixed for next Wednesday, so we agreed we’d meet in town for a coffee.

However, we didn’t set a time, or venue ,as she said she message me in the week to arrange something.She then had to hurry off to work , so it was a bit rushed.

Now I’m wondering if I’ll actually hear from her. Is it fair to say that if I don’t get a text or call by Tuesday, I can assume she won’t want to meet up on Wednesday?

Im hopeless at the dating game , and im
now overthinking things. Like did I give her the correct number, why didn’t I set an exact time and place ? What if she said yes just to be polite but doesn’t really want to meet me?

Will it be awkward if she doesn’t get in touch with me , when I see her at nursery again ?

Sorry I’m such an overthinker ! Any advice? I guess I just have to wait to see if she gets in touch? !

You need to chill. Don't push things, if she's interested she'll get in touch. You need to play it cool. Good luck and let us know what happens!

Thanks just all seemed a it rushed at the time as I knew she was hurrying to work and I was worried afterwards thinking did she take my number down right ?

I have a northern accent and live down south so sometimes people don’t quite get what I say ! What did I say if she doesn’t get in touch and I see her at nursery again? ! Bit embarrassing for me maybe.

Don’t overthink! Next time you see her, if she hasn’t messaged you, imagine how you would behave if you were a truly chill person who was interested in getting to know her. That person would not feel desperate but would feel confident that there is no reason why she wouldn’t be interested, given that you’ve hardly got to know each other yet. That person would be interested in giving you both the opportunity to find out more about each other and would give her the benefit of the doubt, for now at least, if she hadn’t got in touch - she might be nervous or busy or had something stressful happen.

That person would probably say something along the lines of “I was disappointed not to hear from you! Shall we fix a time and place now? Let me take your number too in case anything comes up.”

Only is she is obviously resistant should you let it go. Or if you have the coffee and it’s clear it’s not working. It even if that happens, just chalk it up to experience and don’t be put off trying again with someone else. You have no idea what’s going on in her life, quite apart from whether or not you happen to be a good match.

OMG. She was probably just being polite. Why do men assume everyone is desperate to date them?!

Yes asking for your social media means she doesn't want to swap numbers

just act normal. I doubt you'll hear from her.

Agree with PP that asking for your social media probably meant she didn't want to exchange numbers. I think she'd have given you hers or messaged the same day if she were keen.

I'd take it to mean that she thinks you're nice and didn't want to be rude or cause an awkward moment when you asked, but for whatever reason she's not looking to go on a date with you.
You can still be friendly and say hello etc without it being awkward, but don't mention meeting up again.

And if she messages.. bonus!

I don’t assume she’s desperate to go on a date! I asked her out for a coffee, I’ve no idea if she wanted to or not!

Unless I ask , how would I know ?

I didn’t ask for her number exactly , I asked if she wanted to meet up. She then said do you have social media, I said no. She then said, ok I’ll take your number…

I didn’t directly ask for her number, if you see what I mean..? She could have also politely said no too, or she’s busy, but yes maybe she didn’t want to say no to me to be nice.

She may well chat to your wife as well when she does the other pick ups and drop offs.

It doesn't sound like there's been any flirting or other indications that she's interested at all.

In your head she can politely say no, but it's very difficult to do that as a woman, there's no telling what the reaction would be, especially with someone who she has to see regularly.

If she does happen to message, great, if she doesn't then don't mention it again, and don't push it further, just nod and then make polite chit chat as usual when she makes her excuses.

In general women who give no indication of interest by flirting or whatever do not wish to be asked out on the school run, it's very annoying when men do this and just makes things awkward.

The great thing is you'll find out if she's interested or not.

If she doesn't text then I agree with the last poster who says don't bring it up again and just carry on as normal.

Well done for having the courage to ask her out. I hope it works out!

I think your approach was entirely reasonable, also think it seems to be normal for people to communicate via SM so don’t think that was a fob off.

Ultimately you just have to wait and see, if you see her before Wednesday you could ask if she still fancied a coffee but no pressure if not.

Being asked on the school drop-off to go for a coffee with a school dad could be awkward if she's not interested.
As women, we can feel under pressure to accept when we don't really want to, as we can worry about receiving a negative reaction.
We can sometimes "be nice" to stop negative reactions occurring, such as her taking your number but not giving hers to you.
Also, her asking about your SM, it keeps you at arms length, kinda like a level of safety, she's not giving out her personal details.
I'd play it cool, don't mention it again, be normal on Mondays drop off.
She has your number.
If she calls or messages, then great.
If she doesn't, just leave it.
I'm hoping for a happy ending for you!

Thanks all for your advice. Yes she occasionally speaks to my wife at drop off , more of a polite acknowledgement. Don’t think there’s any issue there. Her ex also does the very occasional drop off but I’ve never seen him personally.

In more recent weeks we’ve got a bit more friendly, that’s why I plucked up the courage to ask her for a coffee. I’m not a complete stanger, so felt it was appropriate to ask her after numerous chats..I don’t make a habit of asking mums out on the school run!

I don’t do social media anymore,it’s just not something I really like doing, plus I worked in a prison before and was never comfortable with the possibility of ex prisoners searching me on social media when it’s so easy to access information these days ..Of course for most people in that field of work it’s fine ,with no problems.

Since my wife , I haven’t actually been on any dates nor asked anyone to be honest. Confidence isn’t that great tbh.

After asking , her words were, that would be nice , are you on Facebook? No, ok well I can take your number and message you next week then. As said I’ve got a northern accent , and live in the South and people do sometimes misunderstand my accent when it comes to numbers! So hope she got it correctly..

As I said , if I don’t hear anything by probably Tuesday, I’d assume she doesn’t want to and that’s fine, even if I’d be a little disappointed..