Feeling left out.

[Foodoverload]

DP and I have been together for 3 years. Both in our 40s and don’t live together. We both don’t make a fuss over valentines and he says he doesn’t celebrate it. I just like a token card and just an acknowledgment. I know it’s cheesy, buy makes me happy. I do not want flowers cards or special meal.

first year he cooked, card and flowers. Last year no card and I cooked. I did get him a card and he said he was embarrassed but understood how it made me happy, so will remember this.

so this year I am on a work trip abroad. There are 10 of us. When he knew I was going he made a joke that he didn’t need to bother with Valentine’s Day. So this year at breakfast I am surrounded with colleagues whose partners had packed a card, sent texts and phoned. I sent a text that got read and not responded. Asked if he was free for a call and got told he out in the pub with mates.

during the trip I have had little texts and the pictures i sent got ignored or snarky remarks. The time difference makes it hard, but out of sight out of mind. No comments on asking how I am. colleagues have had daily communication.

I don’t know if feeling upset as I am left out or if I am dating a lazy guy that doesn’t care. I certainly don’t feel loved.

Valentine's day is a hallmark holiday to sell consumer goods for profit. It's no indication of the quality of a relationship. My husband stopped getting me valentine's cards years ago. I kept it up for a while but gave up when I realised he just wasn't into it. But he's a good man who loves me and cares for me which I see evidence of every day.

I have a friend in a hellish marriage with an emotionally abusive man. She's been crying on my shoulder about him for years but stays for the kids. He got her flowers and a card today and it's all over Instagram. Does that mean he loves her more than my husband loves me? No, it's just a token gesture, a meaningless tick box exercise. Does your DP neglect you all year round or is it just that he's not lived up to the arbitrary expectations of this particular day?

Additionally, you don't know anything about what's going on behind closed doors in your colleagues' lives. Just because they're publicly showing off their V-day cards, it doesn't automatically mean they're in better quality relationships than you. As the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy. Forget about your colleagues' relationships, and so long as your relationship is ordinarily fine, forget about what day it is. I don't blame your DP for being out down the pub with mates - it's a Friday night!

It seems to me you are dating a lazy guy who doesn’t care. It just took a while for his true colours to show.

"during the trip I have had little texts and the pictures i sent got ignored or snarky remarks."

From him? If so, why are you putting up with his shit?

Lazy and doesn't care.

It doesn't matter if Valentine's Day is a hallmark holiday or not. You communicated that it would make you feel good to get a card and he can't be bothered to do it. You've sent texts and pictures that he's ignored or been snarky about.

He's showing you who he is and how he believes you deserve to be treated. Time to move on.

I totally agree, the moment I saw he'd been snarky and ignored the OP I thought this isn't much of a relationship if after jst 3 years he behaves like this. Sorry OP, it's not a nice thing to happen even if you don;t much bother with Valentines

You asked him to do a card. That's not a big ask. He doesn't bother because he doesn't care.

Why shittycomments? Is he jealous/annoyed you are away? Is it normal for him?

He doesn’t care enough about you to do the bare minimum OP. Nothing to do with hallmark/constructed event etc. He knows it would mean something to you but he doesn’t care.

Is he incredibly loving and generous in other ways? Somehow I doubt it if he dismisses you so readily in this way.

He is not showing you much care. If it’s like this only after 3 years, honestly forget it.

I wouldn’t care much about my colleagues and their relationships and what they got. Focus on you. We all deserve someone who truly loves us! Not to be in a relationship for the sake of it. Move on!

I would take a step back and think if this is what you want. He sounds spiteful and immature to me lm afraid

during the trip I have had little texts and the pictures i sent got ignored or snarky remarks. ... I certainly don’t feel loved.

I don't give a toss about VD........ but the rest? Hell no!! Total lack of consideration.

Sadly it seems that he really isn't that much into you.

I'd stop the messaging and see whether he choosestomakean effort. And prepare to end it 8f he doesn't.

Oh why bother OP
Fuck him
Stop messaging in expectation of response
Don't bother letting him know you are back

I am sure when he wants sex he will come crawling back, play fucking hard to get ball, tell him at point his lack of effort is a real passion killer.

You are accepting crumbs. Just stop.

Enjoy hotel, colleagues, having an evening no chores, just bath, book, tv. I fucking love hotels, you can wander to bar restaurant no coat or bags to clatter about, eat, have a drink and you are minutes back to bed. Depends on hotel if you can have a swim or spa treatment as an added bonus.

Fuck him basically. Are you somewhere interesting? And where us he, back in same old same old local with same old faces talking same old same old.

Take back some attitude.