So he's leaving - any suggestions on keeping myself together?

[MyHeadIsSpinning]

My DH and I have decided to have a trial separation and he is moving out (initially for a month) asap.

I know it's for the best and if we are going to stay together this is the only way forward at the moment. We both need time and space to sort things out.

The thing is how do I keep myself together for my LO. I'm taking time to look after myself and trying to enjoy my LO. I'm getting out meeting new people, keeping in touch with friends but still feel so lonely. None of my family know yet so maybe once they do and I have their support I won't feel so lonely but I don't want to rely on other people and I certainly don't want their pity and for them to feel sorry for me.

Let people help you - it is not pity it is caring. I found it very hard to let people help but it was so nice to 'share' those times with if nothing else. I have returned the favours as best i can and would love to anytime, so please do not be afraid to ask for help.

Do as you say and keep busy - try and enjoy each day for what it is - live for now more, and try not to think too far in the future - it will happen sooner than you think.

Good luck.

Yes, take one day at a time

Have a plan for the day ahead (make it the night before) and try to stick to it

If you stay in the moment, things appear to be more manageable

Take care of yourself and let people help you!

thanks at the moment I can't help butthink about the future - and I'm painting a dismal picture (the split being permanent, another woman being around my child, never finding anyone that loves me, not being financially secure etc).

Its really stressing me out so suppose I ned to stop. Will try and take some of these comments on board

Yes, try to stay 'in the moment'. That helps to avoid painful thoughts of past or future. Talk to friends and don't allow yourself to become a hermit - very easy when you are feeling down. Wishing you strength and peace of mind, MHIS.

Of course these are real concerns and you are naturally and understandably having strong and overwhelming feelings about them

But atm these things are not in your control, you are a bit powerless, if you like

So try and concentrate on what you HAVE got control over, day-to-day... structuring your time, seeing friends (to sob over, if you need to!) enjoying your dc

I know it's hard (my best friend has recently come through exactly this situation)

And vent away on here, too

myheadisspinning - I am in the same situation. After 14 years together, ds now wants a trial separation. anyway, it;s long and complicated (as these things are).
Keep us posted on how you are getting on.
x

((hugs)) ratbunny it's horrible isn't it

15 years ago I was in exactly the same position you are and I empathise with you totally. I was devastated at the time and, like you, could only see doom and gloom ahead. Our trial separation commenced and, after the death of my father, dh moved back in to 'make a go of it'. We both knew it was over and, unbelievably, I met someone on a works night out about a month after dh had moved back in. We fell madly in love (and I mean madly, crazily and DEEPLY!) and I left the family home with dd1 in tow and became independent for the first time in 10 years. It was scary, yes, but SO liberating. The guy I fell madly in love with is my dh and we are still madly in love 15years later and have two wonderful children together.
I guess what I am really trying to say it that you NEVER know what is around the corner and that the most unexpected things can happen - sometimes bad but very often good, as well. I wish you all the strength you will need to get through this and achieve the outcome that YOU want.

Help he's out tonight and I'm sat here brooding about the situation - ' along the lines of ' OMG this is what it will be like when he leaves..how will I cope....etc

I really don't want him to go I don't want our marriage to fall apart. I know that this is the only way forward at the moment but I'm so scared that he will decide to leave me for good and my marriage will be over.

I'm scared that when he comes home I am goign to get upset and ask him not to go. TBH not sure if he would agree to stay at the moment as he seems to have (finally) made uphis mind but he may stay if I ask him. Deep down I know that this will not work and we need time and space a[art but god it is already hurting like hell

God I sound so pathetic

Your not pathetic.

Talk to him. He may be feeling the same way.

Go on, just tell him how you feel x

myheadis spinning - I know exactly how you feel I dont want dh to go either, but I'm not going to beg him to stay either. I am also thinking about the lonely evenings. I guess I will have to fins some hobbies, or just talk on the phone all night. It will be lonely I think .

We are currently working out the finances. Bloody hard work. Essentially he will pay the mortgage and £200 a month.
Are you applying for tax credits now? How does it work?

((hugs))

Ratbunny - Cos it's only for a month initially we are just going to leave finances as they are, if he decides to go for good or any longer we will have to work something else out.

Esentially this is a month for him to find out what he wants and if that includes me and his daughter so don't want to go to loads of hassle with unecessary changes. I'm not daft tho and he wouldn't cheat me out of any money.

Irisheyes - he knows I don't want him to go, he knows exactly what I want and I have said that unless he can give me what I want or at least start to work towards it I feel he should leave. hence he is leaving