Am I in the right or wrong breakup?

[anon990]

Hi girls just want your opinion. I broke up with my boyfriend of 6months because of our differences in money issues. He has given various reasons to his seemingly 'tight' nature from helping his parents to friends.. even though I know his mother has money brand new car & big house? He paid for things but twice had no car not being able pay insurance and gladly kind of let me pay, although the did pay for our hotel once etc. it just was more 50/50 with money and thought about money more than I did , even down to how much sweets cost etc. I broke it off and he's heartbroken crying and devastated and I feel so so awful I told him we will stay friends. He was hurt badly before too. I really do like him he was kind considerate and thoughtful I'm not sure what to do ? We've kind of called this a break so I can be on my own for a bit and decide what I want but I just feel bad for him now. He said he'd change but that money is tight for him etc, what should I do

He’s crying begging devestated? Nope. Next.

Often there’s no right or wrong. People are just different. If he were more like you, there’d be no problem. If you were a tight wad too, his meanness wouldn’t faze you. I think you’re just incompatible and nobody is to blame.

Why do you say this? I think he's quite sensitive because of his past relationship of 4 years before me breaking down. He really liked me for some reason

Does he have money issues? Like, is he living paycheck to paycheck or is his money just for what he deems worth spending money on?

Paycheck to paycheck it seems but he has f all to pay for . He works a good job in construction 5 days a week. He keeps changing the story on why he was tight on money during our time. One minute helping friends, next paying his dad back , next to his mom he had to help . I don't get it I'm not asking him again why he's tight with money

I asked because my DD's dad is like this. When I met him he worked and had a decent wage and he still lived with his mum (so little expenditure) but was always skint! He quickly moved in, quit his job and claimed disability benefits for headaches. Never spent or gave me a penny contribution. In the span of a year he spent £100 max, I went through 3k of savings trying to stay on top of everything. After some digging it turns out his money was all going on drug debt and online gambling sites as soon as it went into his bank.

It took a lot to get him out of my house but i thankfully havent seen him in almost 2 years (since i found out i was pregnant). He went back to his mums and is still on benefits. He's never met DD nor has she had a penny from him because apparently he can't afford. He can because I've been told he's regularly out drinking and smoking weed, its just not a cost that he sees will benefit him.

Please don't be me! End it now because it really doesn't get any better.

He’s changing his story because what he’s saying isn’t true.

Does he gamble?

What they all say. Of course he’s devastated- you’ve taken away what he was planning to sponge off.

The end of his last relationship isn’t your responsibility to kiss better.

He keeps changing the story

Tells you all you need to know. He's not consistent or honest.

Secret cocaine habit?

Nah defo not. Doesn't even drink

He's bought me valentines presents he said he wants to give . I'm so conflicted as my ex is also back in my life and he's the child's dad. It's hard to know what to do honestly

I remember your post where he made you get the drinks at the fuel station and begrudged you breakfast out because Tesco was cheaper.

He’s a tightwad and will suck the joy out of life.

I honestly believe that a couple’s attitudes to money has to match, or the relationship will always have a bit of grit in it at best, or there will be resentment/debt at worse.

BTW your ex/DD’s dad is a red herring. You can be on your own just fine. Don’t rush from one problematic man to another (maybe remind yourself why you split up from Ex in the first place…)

the relationship was only 6 months old? it sounds way too intense for such a short space of time?

does it matter if he doesn't have money? plenty of relationships work when one or both parties have little cash?

i think, given that your ex is back on the scene, you are using this blokes 'tightness' as an excuse.

I could sort-of see both sides until you said he was crying over it. Whether you mean that literally or not it ISN'T an acceptable sign.
I think we'd need to hear his side of things before making a really informed decision overall, but certainly based on what you say he's no prize. I'm sure you could do better!

Why is crying a red flag I'm confused by people mentioning it

It sounds very cliched manipulation like “if you don’t take me back then I’ll hurt myself “

He keeps on changing his story because he’s a liar. Whether it’s drugs, gambling or something else, you are best off away from that dodgy mess of a man. I highly suspect that he borrowed money or did something shady to get the money for the gifts. If you get back with him then it will go back to the old routine very quickly.

He's not a shady person though. I think he just doesn't wanna pay for stuff he doesn't think is worth it and pawns off as 'I'm broke' . The gifts are flowers and a thing he made at work.

Men who are skint don’t fare well on mumsnet tbh. Also a man crying will be seen as an issue too.

he’s more careful with money than you and it’s annoying you. He’s not necessarily wrong but you seem incompatible.

but yeah he’s a mean, tight, over emotional man so you’re better off without him…

Lying and changing stories is shady behaviour.

After 6 months, is his financial situation really any of your business? People have different definitions of 'broke'. I often say I'm broke if someone wants me to do something or pay for so.ething that i don't particularly want to do/buy. Truth is, I'm not broke. I have a decent job and savings but I don't like to spend my money on things I don't feel are valuable to me. Maybe he's the same. Lots of people are. Assuming that you are not living together etc, I dont see how it's an issue after this amount of time. Either put up with it or ditch him and find someone who is willing to be more frivolous

It's an issue because if we're meant to have a future how can I be with someone who can't or may not be able to afford rent some months or bills or who can't go on holidays and actually enjoy a holiday etc

The behaviour is manipulative; that’s why. No grown man should be crying and begging a woman he’s known a matter of months. He can be upset, and express that, but it should be respectful.

but you also sound very young and frankly the whole “my ex is back in my life” is messy. Let this sensitive soul find someone else and you figure yourself out. You’re not financially compatible and you clearly have higher expectations that he is currently able/willing/capable whatever to do.