Hit a difficult patch

[Hari223]

About 18 months ago met the love of my life. We are both early 40s and have had a few relationships before. His partner very sadly passed away a few years before we met. I've always been aware of his grief but it's never been a major issue.

Recently we've hit a rough patch. Not big arguments rough but he's told me about a number of times recently when I've upset him and he doesn't feel heard. I had no idea at the time, but he said that he finds it really hard expressing how he feels/what he needs if he feels it will lead to conflict. That surprised me as we don't really have any conflict in our relationship (maybe this is why....)

We've talked about it a lot and I'm glad because I feel more aware of his difficulty saying what he needs and he's forgiven me for not picking up on it at the time - but I also worry that we've hit a difficult patch this early on. Is this normal or is it a worry?

It's very difficult to comment given the lack of detail. Is he saying that he has tried to express himself and you have reacted defensively or aggressively?

Yes it's very common to hit a point in the relationship when you're coming out of the initial honeymoon period and seeing each other properly. It's also common to get into a power struggle as you work out the dynamics.

@username299 no, it's that he's expressed things but in such a low-key way that I've not realised how important they are. I think I've failed to read between the lines and need very clear communication.

If he chooses to not communicate properly he does not get to be annoyed that others don't magically pick up on what he meant.
He can use words, like the grown adult he is. Don't accept this as your problem.

You’re not the problem here. He is. He hasn’t expressed his needs to you in a way you could understand. Hinting or implying isn’t clear and if someone needs something they should make it clear to the person they want it from. He does this due to fear of conflict, which is understandable but again, that’s a him problem. Maybe he needs to get some counselling to learn how to communicate better so that his needs are met. You can’t meet his needs if you don’t know what they are. Tell him you need things spelled out clearly or you’ll miss his cues and you want to meet his needs. Explain that you understand it’s difficult for him but that you’re willing to work on better communication. Tell him that you will be happy to hear out anything he has to say without starting a fight and talk through anything calmly with him. That reassurance might help him to open up and feel more comfortable.

So he doesn't communicate and you haven't picked up on this and magically got it?

And its your fault?
So he doesn't communicate well and blames others?

You are right to be concerned.
Not good.

Where EXACTLY in all of this does HE take responsibility for his own upset and poor communication that causes it?

Slow down OP.
This is not good.

Can you give a made up example? Does he speak like Yoda or mime? I don't know what low key means here.

He has been clear in this instance and made you aware that there's a problem which is progress.