balancing baby, marriage, house...

[stripemarshmallow]

hi,
i'm a first time mum with a 6 month old and i'm finding me and my husband are struggling to find any balance between the house and the baby and its starting to become a bit of a strain.
Husband works full time and usually has the baby before and after work and we share nights.
I have the baby all day.
I manage to get some things done in the day but baby is like velcro, I can sometimes manage a bit of washing up or tidying, often involving the baby/entertaining at the same time but realistically I cant start scrubbing toilets with the baby (nor am I expected to, husband is always grateful of anything I manage to get done)
I usually cook and have a potter tidying around on an evening while husband has the baby and then we tend to just flop and go to bed after we've eaten.
we've been together a long time, always split everything pretty evenly but really struggling at the moment to keep on top of everything (or anything!!!)
I know this is totally normal but we're both struggling with it and its starting to be a bit of a strain on us. what are your best tips for just feeling slightly more like you have your shit together?

I just do stuff when baby is napping. At 6 months old they must be having a couple of good length naps a day? Or I just strap them into the baby carrier and do it that way.

He is a contact napper/pram napper, I have him in the carrier for naps a lot but he would be too close to any chemicals to start doing any proper cleaning, I do manage some tidying like this

My baby is 10 months old now and I think one of the biggest things is just accepting that the standard slips for a bit. Pre-baby the house was pretty much perfect daily, that’s just simply not reality now and that’s fine!

My baby is a total velcro baby and contact naps so I just popped her in the carrier to get stuff done, or now she’s a bit bigger she sometimes sits in her high chair while she watches me get things done, or plays with her toys beside me!

The basics can be done with carrier or while playing with toys/in highchair so hoovering/mopping/dishes/washing/dusting/wiping benches/sink/general tidying.

The heavy chemical stuff like the oven & toilet scrubbing can be done after work when the other has baby or on a weekend. We tend to do a deep clean at the weekend and then midweek is the more surface level stuff so things are never horrendous.

I'm not sure why you need to spend so much time cleaning. I give the bathroom a scrub on a Saturday morning after my shower, can run the hoover round quickly while baby is in the sling. Most jobs shouldn't take long and can be done with a baby. At six months they're not running in and out of the house with muddy shoes or leaving giant blobs of toothpaste smeared to the sink daily.

Yeah it's tough. I remember it got easier when mine was about 8 months and I could put her in the carrier on my back, cleaning got a lot easier. I could clean the toilets but had to settle with just making up spray bottles with fairy liquid in as I didn't want to fill her lungs with chemicals. Not the strongest cleaning agent but it was better than nothing! Also those cleaning rim blocks help a bit with cleaning as you flush. Mine is now 3.5 and my home is back to being spotless as I can clean while she potters around playing, so just remember this may just have to be a phase you accept until it gets easier. It sucks but it will pass.

No advice but solidarity. I have a velcro baby too, I've had to let standards slip a lot as I also have a toddler and a 5 year old so I was fighting a losing battle. I do what I can, when I can and if anyone dares pass comment on the state of my house (especially DH) then I take no responsibility for my reaction when sleep deprived!

I use the organised mum method. As someone else said put baby in the high chair or pram with a toy and crack on.

theorganisedmum.com

You could also make your own cleaning products to take away the chemicals which would be better for baby and the rest of the family anyway. Or you can buy them. I used to have a subscription to spruce. That way you could strap baby on and get stuck in.

You just need to be more organised and be realistic about what is achievable. While you’re dying for a break when your DH gets home, he has also been out at work all day and then is straight into the baby work when he gets back so try to use the time he’s with the baby solo to be productive a few nights a week. General tidying is easier to do with the baby so do things that can’t get done, bathroom one night, another task the next etc.

It’s also important to promote independent play from a young age so stick the baby in a bouncer, in a highchair and do jobs around them. Chat with the baby while you do the dishes, you’ll probably have to keep passing them things to entertain them but household items will keep them busy way longer than toys. Give them a whisk and an empty package, when those get chucked on the floor pass them a carrot and a big bag of crisps to rustle.

And just accept that some days will feel productive and other days it’s just about surviving and that’s normal too!

Put him down somewhere safe with a toy, when you need to do things.
He may object, but do not pick him up, just talk to him whilst you do things.
At 6 months you could also try "peekaboo".
Put him somewhere safe, where you can disappear and reappear suddenly.
It is also really OK to feed your child, give them a hug and put them in their own cot/bed and walk out of the room. Millions of children survive.
2 things - your baby only knows what you give them. Your life (apart from minimal, basic care, does not revolve around a 6 month old).
They won't thank you for anything in 18 years' time :-)