Should I confront it or drop it ?

Briannaivy · 2025-02-13T00:56:30+00:00

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a couple of months. He got a follow request from a ex fling on instagram, a couple hours later he requested to follow her back? He claims no feelings are involved on his part. The last time they spoke was last summer I seen the messages and they were basically sending each other paragraphs back and forth him questioning her decision on why she blocked him? These messages I seen were last summer btw. Im confused on why he would even follow her back their relationship was short and it ended beginning of 2024….. anyways he’s been following her for about a week now, and views all her social media stories. I don’t want to come off as insecure, but I just find it weird ? A lot of my friends told me I should leave it alone and that social media doesn’t mean anything…. Any advice?

savethatkitty · 13/02/2025 00:59

Depends.. how much do you like him? If he thought you were the shizz, he'd probably be not following exes...sorry

Mrsttcno1 · 13/02/2025 06:39

I think it’s too much drama for a couple of months in to be honest

KhakiOrca · 13/02/2025 06:44

I would actually see this as a red flag - but only from experience when and ex of mine did the same thing. Mine happened 2 yrs in. They ended up meeting in hotels and shagging!

Waterboatlass · 13/02/2025 06:52

I saw your thread title and thought 'dont be daft' but then actually, they were quibbling recently and he watches all of her posts plus they only dated briefly. Meh. I think if they were already friends, fine but this seems a bit unsettled.

This would probably be enough to put me off after two weeks. It's more about how his actions make you feel at this stage than trying to get things to change.

GreyCarpet · 13/02/2025 06:53

Waterboatlass · 13/02/2025 06:52

I saw your thread title and thought 'dont be daft' but then actually, they were quibbling recently and he watches all of her posts plus they only dated briefly. Meh. I think if they were already friends, fine but this seems a bit unsettled.

This would probably be enough to put me off after two weeks. It's more about how his actions make you feel at this stage than trying to get things to change.

I agree with this tbh. If you've already reason to not trust him after 2 months, seriously, what is the point?

AgentJohnson · 13/02/2025 06:56

Walk away, his attention is elsewhere and don’t be that woman who prioritises a man who treats her as an option.

it was nice while it lasted but you have wayyyyy to much self respect to spend a second longer with this twat.

GarrynotsoGorilla · 13/02/2025 07:57

Like others have said feels like he is keeping his opinions open here. If they had been friends for many years before their relationship it would be potentially understandable. However from what you say this doesn't appear to be the case and indicates a lack of commitment to you, and at least some insensitive behaviour. Alternatively he could be just plain insensitive, totally in to you and actually have not feelings for her. Only you know if that is the case. I would say the moment he becomes secretive with his phone or behaves differently or there is indication messages are being deleted then you will know for certain he is cheating. Don't give second chances - this might just be him testing you to see what he can get away with. Good luck x

Original poster

Briannaivy · 13/02/2025 16:58

AgentJohnson · 13/02/2025 06:56

Walk away, his attention is elsewhere and don’t be that woman who prioritises a man who treats her as an option.

it was nice while it lasted but you have wayyyyy to much self respect to spend a second longer with this twat.

I mean I understand but she followed him first it’s not like he went and followed her first, he just accepted it and followed her back. There were messages in his phone of him engaging with her 6 months ago telling her he still had feelings for her but didn’t want to be in a relationship…. Paragraphs of him explaining himself to her…. Yet this was in august of 2024 ? Way before he met me ?

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 13/02/2025 17:00

August last year isn’t that long ago.

nodramaplz · 13/02/2025 17:02

I think it would be out of my comfort zone too...
monitor it.

Mrsknowitall · 13/02/2025 17:07

August 2024 isn’t that long ago, I couldn’t be doing with drama 2 months into a relationship. I’m sure he would feel the same as you if it was you and an ex fling following each other

Original poster

Briannaivy · 13/02/2025 17:12

Mrsknowitall · 13/02/2025 17:07

August 2024 isn’t that long ago, I couldn’t be doing with drama 2 months into a relationship. I’m sure he would feel the same as you if it was you and an ex fling following each other

These were the messages I found …

He said he didn’t want anything serious after they broke up the first time…. These are the messages I found on his end in august of 2024 to her …

“An ego boost to what exactly!? I didn’t have an ego from none of that to begin with idk but I’m sorry if you felt I played with your feelings wasn’t my intentions and once again I won’t bother you anymore. Take care”

“You talking bout the first time we hung out after all that or the very last time we did? Bc when we went to out to eat and did I not say I still had feelings for you but don’t think it’s a good idea to be together? I’m confused”

Just loads of paragraphs explaining himself… this was all before me tho ?

OP posts:

Original poster

Briannaivy · 13/02/2025 17:13

He also was the first person she slept with …. Maybe she’s still attached? I’m just trying to make sense out of it all ?

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Waterboatlass · 13/02/2025 17:19

How do you know what he was sending to whom months before you met?

You either feel appropriately comfortable in and excited by the new relationship for two months or you don't.

The fine details of who sent what aren't really the point here.

It's more of a time to observe his behaviour and who he is and decide if it's for you and vote with your feet accordingly. I would expect anything that brings in other women, other than purely platonically, to be representative of his attitudes towards respect, fidelity, integrity, that kind of thing at this stage. It's too early to be excusing one offs that make you uncomfortable.

Waterboatlass · 13/02/2025 17:20

Briannaivy · 13/02/2025 17:12

These were the messages I found …

He said he didn’t want anything serious after they broke up the first time…. These are the messages I found on his end in august of 2024 to her …

“An ego boost to what exactly!? I didn’t have an ego from none of that to begin with idk but I’m sorry if you felt I played with your feelings wasn’t my intentions and once again I won’t bother you anymore. Take care”

“You talking bout the first time we hung out after all that or the very last time we did? Bc when we went to out to eat and did I not say I still had feelings for you but don’t think it’s a good idea to be together? I’m confused”

Just loads of paragraphs explaining himself… this was all before me tho ?

Show quote history

Don't share someone else's messages online

MarkingBad · 13/02/2025 17:20

Briannaivy · 13/02/2025 17:13

He also was the first person she slept with …. Maybe she’s still attached? I’m just trying to make sense out of it all ?

Well she has his attention now. A man who has his attention split is not a good partner to either of you.

It's entirely up to you what you do, just don't expect the relationship to be long term or that he will be loyal, it's two months in, no time at all.

Original poster

Briannaivy · 13/02/2025 17:21

MarkingBad · 13/02/2025 17:20

Well she has his attention now. A man who has his attention split is not a good partner to either of you.

It's entirely up to you what you do, just don't expect the relationship to be long term or that he will be loyal, it's two months in, no time at all.

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How does she have is attention?

OP posts:

TheseBootsAreWalking · 13/02/2025 17:30

OP you are trying to see what it means, and posters have advised you what they think it means, yet you try and analyse it further.

To me its simple.

NO MAN WILL REQUEST TO FOLLOW IF THEY WERE HAPPY.

He is curious, and flattered. His whole attention is on this ex now. And 8 weeks in you now have an opportunity to say to yourself, I know my worth, and I am not going to play the pick me dance for someone I have known for 8 weeks.

Also, he is probably preoccupied with his ego being brushed a little, and its finding a reason to get her attention. The ex is most likely feeling lonely, lacks attention, or feels her ego has dented knowing he is dating someone new. So she has popped up to see if she has some affect on him by following him, because she had blocked him for whatever reason. Now you have a choice here, and its to find your worth or play this game.

MarkingBad · 13/02/2025 17:58

Briannaivy · 13/02/2025 17:21

How does she have is attention?

Show quote history

I may have this wrong but 6 months ago he was messaging her asking why he was blocked etc. Then after 6 months of no contact his ex suddenly unblocks him and sends him a friend request and follows him too?

Yet in the meantime he and you started dating. Soooo either something happened and she wanted to contact him again for whatever reason or they were always in contact, either way you are stuck in the middle of whatever was going on with them.

As @TheseBootsAreWalking said he's flattered by the attention

Original poster

Briannaivy · 13/02/2025 18:17

TheseBootsAreWalking · 13/02/2025 17:30

OP you are trying to see what it means, and posters have advised you what they think it means, yet you try and analyse it further.

To me its simple.

NO MAN WILL REQUEST TO FOLLOW IF THEY WERE HAPPY.

He is curious, and flattered. His whole attention is on this ex now. And 8 weeks in you now have an opportunity to say to yourself, I know my worth, and I am not going to play the pick me dance for someone I have known for 8 weeks.

Also, he is probably preoccupied with his ego being brushed a little, and its finding a reason to get her attention. The ex is most likely feeling lonely, lacks attention, or feels her ego has dented knowing he is dating someone new. So she has popped up to see if she has some affect on him by following him, because she had blocked him for whatever reason. Now you have a choice here, and its to find your worth or play this game.

Do you think he still has feelings for her ?

OP posts:

Idontjetwashthefucker · 13/02/2025 21:41

You again? Thought you'd finally stopped posting shit like this but then up you pop again