Partner looking at indecent images

[Wanttobeamommy]

Little back ground info - my partner and I agreed we'd never look at n* online or watch p**, however he searched for a girls leak, after seeing something about it on a YouTube video, and proceeded to click on other indecent images of other girls.

My question is , would you forgive this and am I being petty that I can never get over it?

That’s exactly what I am wondering! Is it weeing on someone??

As previously mentioned, it's nothing about being controlling as I've previously stated its the betrayal and hurt caused by the boundaries he set.

Op isn't controlling. Her DH is though. He was the one who brought up this porn boundary and the mutual agreement to not view it.

He is the one who gets angry who gets angry if op sees a topless man.

He is the one now breaking the boundary that he introduced.

I suspect that he brought this up because he doesn't want YOU watching any of this stuff but clearly is happy to himself.

That feeling you have is realising the double standard and hypocrisy and how unfair it is. He is displaying worrying behaviour and how you feel is your Spidy senses telling you something is wrong.

Does he display any other red flags? Controlling behaviour, bursts of anger, turning his issues back on you, it's your fault etc?

It's a woman cornering a man, who has no choice but to agree...

What a ridiculous statement 😂 Of course he has a choice. What you mean is, he will lie because he still wants to do xyz instead of being honest and saying, “no, I can’t agree to that”

Th poor cornered darling who had no choice! 😂😂😂😂

Men can survive without looking at porn or pictures of naked women you know. And if they don’t want to give it up then they should be honest so that they can both find a more compatible partner.

When you say 'a girls leak', do you mean her non-consensual sharing of images? If so, it's particularly disgusting for obvious reasons. I'm ok with porn use (no need to discuss or think about it massively) but it would need to be healthy and consensual and this would change my opinion of him massively

@altmember I've found people attractive & he probably has too. Potentially even sexual thoughts. But we don't think it's healthy to indulge in and encourage those thoughts.

there’s also a difference between finding a person you come across as attractive and seeking out material to whack one out to.

I don't understand what the n word is. And I don't personally like the description of indecent images as that makes it sound like you're talking about something illegal?

It all sounds a bit repressed and "forbidden fruit" to me, like he's inflicted these strict boundaries on himself and you; but he can't actually keep to them.

Can't really make out what happend - he heard on a youtube video that nude pictures of person had been "leaked" and he then googled them and looked at them (and possibly some others)? This could be anything from the "Sidebar of Shame" to actual porn...

I actually think encouraging yourself to fantasise about a person/activity that would wreck your marriage isn't going to make for a happy one

Surely fantasising about someone you’ve only seen in pictures wouldn’t wreck your marriage though. You’re not actually ever going to meet them. It’s not real. My extremely lustful thoughts about (eg) getting railed by Geralt in The Witcher as played by Henry Cavill are unlikely to result in me having an affair with either Henry Cavill or the fictional character of Geralt. What they might do, however, is put me in the mood for sex… with my actual partner, the man I love. Definitely not a marriage-wrecking scenario.

Your husband sounds like a controlling arsehole to me. What other rules does he impose on you?

@ItGhoul maybe, or maybe it makes someone less satisfied with the spouse they have

Only if their marriage was a bad one to start with. I personally think that if someone starts to go off their partner because they’ve seen pictures of another person’s body, the marriage was never strong in the first place.

If you don’t like it, then walk away.

There’s nothing wrong with someone watching and enjoying porn—unless it starts affecting their ability to meet their personal responsibilities and obligations.

Whoever you end up with (if anyone) will not be attracted to only you. They will also have personal connections and interactions with others, as they choose.

If porn is a dealbreaker for you, then it’s best to leave.

Anyone you date who enjoys porn will continue to watch it. Maybe it would be beneficial to focus on yourself and work through your insecurities, trust and control issues before entering a relationship.

This - and I’m in no way sexually repressed. I can hazard a guess, but I might be wrong 😂

Well yes, most men would say “ of course I won’t darling” and then go behind their back and do it anyway. My BIL used to hide porn mags behind the toilet, amongst many of the obscure hiding places he had.

I have no issue with my husband looking at porn and could never understand my sister’s utter obsession with hunting for the evidence her husband had been looking at it.

I read it as the “leak” is images making their way to the internet that aren’t supposed to.

could be anything from movie stills of an actress before the film release, to a sex tape that was supposed to be between consenting partners, to obtaining nudes of underage girls as was the case with US gymnasts.

regardless. Sounds like a very odd relationship.

OP you can swear on here, you don't need to star any words out.

If your husband has set a boundary that you're not to look at men, then he has to apply that to himself.

It's not what he's done, it's the hypocrisy that's gone along with it.

You can either tell him this bans ridiculous and both do what you want or you can consider it a deal breaker and separate.

The one in the middle, of negotiating new terms will do your head in and keep you on edge.

I personally wouldn't think it unhealthy, unusual or a deal breaker for a man to at least occasionally look at pics of semi naked/nude women to have a wank. For me that's kind of the lowest level of porn use. No OF, no video calls, no chatting. No weird kinks. Just pics of women over 18.
But obviously you do not feel that way and you know that he does do it. You're right on thinking he probably won't just fully stop. So it's clear he's not the right one for you.