Splitting valentines dinner..

[doctorlife]

Hello!

I have been with BF for 3 months officially. We split everything 50/50, always.

He has already suggested we split valentines dinner ('we'll split that').

I feel a bit deflated.. AIBU?

Think this is the same poster who had the same thread the other day!
What do you want from these op?!

Yes it is. About how he splits everything exactly 50/50 down to the last penny.

Announcing it before dinner is a real turn-off - talk about killing the mood!

OP, you've already been told on your other thread to dump this man.

The Valentine's thing is completely insignificant compared to all the other stuff you've said about him. Stop being a whiny wet blanket and dump him. He doesn't love you. He isn't kind to you. He is resentful and penny-pinching. Just get rid of him. Stop fixating on one Valentine's dinner and just accept that you're not remotely happy with him. You've been fretting about his behaviour towards you for literally months since he refused to call you his girlfriend even though you'd been seeing each other for months at that point. You're wasting your time with this joyless prick so stop moaning on Mumsnet and do something about it instead.

Yes indeed. I did a quick look back at the OP's previous threads (I'd seen them before, especially the first one where she talks about how in luurve she was with him but he 'hadn't asked her to be his girlfriend' - that made me assume she was about 12.

I note she doesn't return to those other threads, despite copious advice on them.

Many people will say-indeed one poster already has-that why on earth should he pay just because he is a man.

That may be the thinking of some but for most of us-maybe the majority- a man who wants to split the cost of a Valentine's Dinner is a man who regards you as nothing special-not worth putting his hand in his pocket for.

If not that-and I think that is the most likely explanation-he is a tight bastard and you should take heed that he will always metaphorically be taking out his little leatherette purse with a button and counting out every penny.

So, I would go for the meal, pay my half and wave him goodbye.

You can of course choose to believe that he shouldn't have to pay for you but I wouldn't swallow that garbage. It's usually put about by men, those who think they don't deserve better or by women who are actually with one of these tight arses

Enjoy the meal and get someone better. If life was a tombola, he is a bottle of Asda Tomato Sauce-find yourself a bottle of champagne.

That wouldn't appeal to me either 😕

I fail to see how you can ask for gender equality across society whilst simulatenously having randomly different expectations just because it's "valentines day."

Ive said all I needed to say on your other two threads, Go back and read the excellent advice we all gave you then

Sounds like a friendship instead of a courtship. You might as well go out with a friend.

This. I don't like the expectation that men should pay simply because they're a man, but there's something nice in treating each other in general. Whoever suggested going for dinner could have offered to pay.

It’s not so much wanting to split the bill that is a bit miserable as making it clear days ahead.
But I think he should pay! Just tonight and she can offer next time they go out.

I know! Funny isn’t it. Valentine’s Day seems to be the one exception.

This isn’t her first thread about this bloke and one dinner is least of their issues

I must say I agree.

When DH and I first met we were both in the process of getting divorced and both struggling financially.

We generally split everything 50/50 at that time. There was no reason why he should pay for something for both of us.

Many years later our situations are quite different, DH earns twice as much as me and he pays much more towards our household costs than I do.

He was and still is the love of my life regardless of who pays for what.

OMG no. I will get shot down in flames for this, but him insisting on splitting the bill from day 1 was a red flag. My husband paid for our first two dates. No man who is serious about a woman expects her to pay for the first date. And for Valentines!? Girl, no.

DP and I usually take turns to pay but I’ll always pay for his birthday and he’ll pay for mine. We don’t often do anything for V Day but did go out for lunch today, which he’d already said he’d pay for. I did feel slightly bad when the bill came to £75 compared with the £20 takeaway I paid for last weekend 😬 but it was a rare treat at an upmarket place we’d been waiting for V Day to visit.

Maybe I’m in the minority here but I like our set up. I prefer taking turns to splitting the bill every time (although we do sometimes split depending on the situation). Taking turns means we can treat each other sometimes and I love being able to treat him!

As for steak and BJ day, we don’t celebrate that as he already gets at least one a week from me as it is 😆

I would say ‘Jesus, what DO WE look like splitting the bill? Bit embarrassing on Valentine’s Day isn’t it? The waiter will think it’s our first date not that we’re three months in. I’ll just get it’.

See how he reacts. Any decent guy would then interject and offer to pay, but if he doesn’t, I would just pay yourself and then question your relationship. He sounds beyond right.

Dh and I have never split, but we each alternate who pays. On occasions like a birthday the other person always pays. Valentine's Day my dh would pay (though we haven't been out in years) but it just means I'd pay the next so it's no different. I'd have no issue paying on valentines, though he'd insist.

I'd insist on paying it all if he suggested spitting it. That's just cringe.

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be romantic and a time for a man to show whether he’s serious or not. At least to me. Otherwise it’s any other date

I don't even have these 50/50 conversations with my best friend, let alone a lover. How unappealing ☹️.

Was going to say what I thought but won't bother as OP doesn't come back to the threads they post!

I pay for our meals quite often, I’d never expect it all to be on him as the only provider of financing dates and romantic gestures.

I find it quite a dated view that men should pay for everything or it means they don’t love and value us as pretty little objects…

I'd expect a discussion around cards/gifts then if he said "shall we get each other gifts and split a meal I'd be fine with that.

I guess it depends how he said it