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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just feel lost

8 replies

Crazytimes25 · 12/02/2025 21:08

Help a tired mum out please

so me and my partner had a baby girl in April last year.
i have 2 teenage girls. 13&17 from a previous relationship.
our baby is his first. All he’s ever wanted.

so our relationship..
he doesn’t have any family. Only had his mum she died a year into our relationship - he kept me very separate from it all I had never met her. I supported him from afar because he didn’t want me to be with him she lived in Manchester couple of hours from us. It was tough on our relationship but we stuck together.

i was cautious him meeting my girls I introduced him after 10 months being together but has been great with them.. we are 4 years into our relationship and he moved into our house when I fell pregnant.

pregnancy was so up and down between us. Baby is 10 months old we haven’t had sex since once in when I was pregnant. So properly it’s been about 18 months even writing that is mad I have mentioned it numerous times he says it’s just never been right the teenagers are home or were bickering etc …

we’ve been arguing alot and about a month ago I said I’m done and he moved out he said he wanted 50/50 access to the baby and that if I’m breaking our family up then I can suffer too and have her 50% of the time…

since she was born I do majority of care I’ve gone back to work and she goes to a childminder.

he’s said some nasty things to me in arguments and I have definitely called him names in the heat of the moment.

fast forward to today he went away when I said I’m done and said he wants to fight for us wants our family together etc and has been over when finished work seen us then gone home … he’s done things like help out around the house with tidying and cleaning. But we keep bickering .. my mood is so low because of it l! I already have postnatal depression I take tablets for .. today he’s said I need help with everything.. that my mood is insane…

I feel like I’m going crazy.
like what are we “fighting” for ??

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 12/02/2025 21:58

It sounds toxic between you, not the best environment for your kids.

Notahandmaid · 12/02/2025 22:56

Sorry to hear this, OP. On the one hand, it sounds like he’s trying to make an effort but then he spoils it by saying that your mood is insane. You must be exhausted and your PND will be making you feel very low.

If he’s willing to try, and you want to, is it worth seeing a couples counsellor to learn how not to descend into bickering? And that intervention might help him appreciate how you’re feeling with your PND as well.

I imagine the lack of intimacy is not helping your confidence either. Hope you can work things out.

Original poster
Crazytimes25 · 12/02/2025 23:14

DustyLee123 · 12/02/2025 21:58

It sounds toxic between you, not the best environment for your kids.

This is my concern

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazytimes25 · 12/02/2025 23:15

Notahandmaid · 12/02/2025 22:56

Sorry to hear this, OP. On the one hand, it sounds like he’s trying to make an effort but then he spoils it by saying that your mood is insane. You must be exhausted and your PND will be making you feel very low.

If he’s willing to try, and you want to, is it worth seeing a couples counsellor to learn how not to descend into bickering? And that intervention might help him appreciate how you’re feeling with your PND as well.

I imagine the lack of intimacy is not helping your confidence either. Hope you can work things out.

Edited

Thank you I actually feel tonight like my body is emotionally wrecked x

OP posts:
Treesinthewind · 12/02/2025 23:34

The fact he says he wants your daughter 50/50 years to "punish" you for ending things really worries me. Using children as a tool to get to a partner/ex-partner is a classic domestic abuser move. Have you looked at the Freedom Programme?

suburberphobe · 12/02/2025 23:40

How are your older children dealing with this? They are both in that transition time. feel sorry for them.

I brought up my son solo, he's an adult now and of course I had relationships since my divorce from his dad but I never let them come between our primary relationship of me and him.

Original poster
Crazytimes25 · 13/02/2025 07:05

suburberphobe · 12/02/2025 23:40

How are your older children dealing with this? They are both in that transition time. feel sorry for them.

I brought up my son solo, he's an adult now and of course I had relationships since my divorce from his dad but I never let them come between our primary relationship of me and him.

theyre 13&17 this is my concern too :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazytimes25 · 13/02/2025 07:06

Treesinthewind · 12/02/2025 23:34

The fact he says he wants your daughter 50/50 years to "punish" you for ending things really worries me. Using children as a tool to get to a partner/ex-partner is a classic domestic abuser move. Have you looked at the Freedom Programme?

I’ve never seen it no

OP posts:
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