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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bf texted his ex saying he misses her and would like to see her again one day.

16 replies

ForRealDreamer · 12/02/2025 17:03

My bf and I were hanging out and he wanted to show me a friend’s WhatsApp status. While we were on there I saw a girl’s name in his chats. The name was familiar and it was an ex he dated 7 years ago. He reacted heart eyes to a picture she had posted and told her he misses her. Then she replied similarly. He then deleted the message. But messaged her again saying he would like to see her again one day. I was so hurt. I asked him isn’t he happy with me and he went down on his knees begging me not to leave him and that he only felt nostalgic that’s why he said that to her. He said I’m the one he loves and he never wants to lose me. My bf never looks or comments on my pictures. But he sends heart eyes to her. I feel like I’m not good enough. He said he’s happy with me and doesn’t imagine his life without me. But I felt so disgusted. Told him many times how much I would love for him to make me feel more special. But for me to see that, I feel very let down and disappointed. We just got back together in December and this is already happening. He begged saying he wanted us to start afresh and stop arguing so much. But seeing those messages really make me question how he truly feels. I’m 23 and this is my first relationship. Hes my first everything too. He’s 28 and has been with a lot of people. He says he knows he has hurt me and if I need space, he will give it to me. I tried forgetting about it. We were even intimate. But the next day I woke feeling very disgusted and disappointed. Felt betrayed and not good enough. Any advice would be good right now cuz I’m really feeling hurt. Thank you so much.

OP posts:
GarrynotsoGorilla · 12/02/2025 17:07

He clearly has no respect for your relationship to be messaging an ex he has otherwise had no contact with. I would move on and find someone who actually respects and loves you.

loropianalover · 12/02/2025 17:10

he went down on his knees begging me not to leave him and that he only felt nostalgic that’s why he said that to her. He said I’m the one he loves and he never wants to lose me. My bf never looks or comments on my pictures. But he sends heart eyes to her

How mortifying. I’d die of shame if a man was down on his knees begging in front of me because he was caught sending hearts/trying to meet up with another woman. He sounds very weak.

You can do much better.

smallsilvercloud · 12/02/2025 17:11

I would dump him, he's betrayed you, how can you trust he won't do this again, also he still holds a torch for her and hopes to see her one day, if he loved you he wouldn't still keep her as an option/backup whiles he's still with you. He's a player that's only going to hurt you more, the longer you stay.

SoundOfTheUnderground1 · 12/02/2025 17:11

Ah my love, he's no boyfriend, he's just using you. Dump and run ASAP. Hold you head up high and believe that you deserve better, because you do.

He will come crawling back, this type always do. Hold firm, keep him in you past. You can do better for yourself than him.

ohyesido · 12/02/2025 17:13

Get some self respect and end this. You deserve a relationship with someone who has eyes for you only

TwistedWonder · 12/02/2025 17:25

The best advice as a woman old enough to be your mum is - dump this lying loser. You won’t ever be able to trust him because he’s deceitful.
The begging you thing is beyond cringey and it’s an over the top gesture as a response to getting caught out.

MaryGreenhill · 12/02/2025 20:06

Get rid of him OP. You are feeling hurt now but imagine how hurt you will be after a couple of years of this treatment.

LilacRaven · 12/02/2025 20:15

Sorry but he is creating opportunities to cheat on you

GreatScroller · 12/02/2025 21:08

At 23 you do not need a relationship which you’ll continually feel insecure in. That message is just what you’ve seen. Just get rid whilst it’s early on

Elasticatedtrousers · 13/02/2025 06:38

Please please don't stay with this loser.

You deserve so much better than having an on off boyfriend who fishes for validation and adoration from previous girlfriends, he's just not a safe partner.

Put yourself first.

AgentJohnson · 13/02/2025 06:53

Your future self is screaming at you to walk away.

Your bf is a player and that type of attention seeking means that he will always be chasing someone. You’ve been back together five minutes and this is how he behaves. Ignore the grand gestures and knee bending, that’s just performative bs to get you to forget that this is who he is. If you forgive him, the next time will be sooner than you think.

perfectcolourfound · 13/02/2025 07:07

I agree with everything pp have said.

And him saying he wants to start afresh without so much arguing - that's a veiled reference to you calling him out. He's telling you that you shouldn't challenge him when you see something you don't like. He feels he should be able to chat up an ex without you 'causing an argument'.

Run away from him. You deserve better.

jannier · 13/02/2025 08:14

So you know why he's had lots of relationships and it seems he will have many more. Get out why you can and in a few years you will get the same messages.

Dublindaughter · 13/02/2025 11:47

Disgusted betrayed and feeling not good enough is quite an extreme reaction.

Arrange some therapy for your self esteem.

An ex is not necessarily a problem, I have had exs help me in my business, house and pet sit for me, and we have attended each others parties. Mature people are able to do this without drama.

Can you guarantee that in the next 20 years you will never ever have any contact at all with a decent ex? Keep yourself calm and try not to go into panic mode so easily, that’s for your own good if we set the boyfriend aside in this.

Bookworm20 · 13/02/2025 16:02

Leave. He does not respect you or love you and the begging thing is because he got found out.
He is untrustworthy and you will just tie yourself in knots for the foreseeable future because he will continue to do things that make you feel like shit - and then likely blame you for being insecure or too emotional or overthinking etc etc etc.
Get out now and don't settle for anyone who disrespects you like that.

LilacLilias · 13/02/2025 16:52

Get rid. 23 is a great age to be free and learn about yourself and what you want and need in life, including learning what kind of relationships are just no good! You can do better

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