Family Event - very anxious

[MonetWaterlilies]

I have a family event coming up in a month or so that I really have to attend, if I don't the upset I will cause will be huge.

However I am already panicking about it, and even dreamt about it last night.

Firstly, I really, really dislike big events with lots of people. The rest of my family are all very sociable, gregarious, extraverted etc, I am not. I like my own company and that of my DH. I don't like travelling or making small talk, especially with drunk people - which lots of them will be.

Secondly, there are a couple of people going who I don't like very much, This is fine of course, but the reason I don't like one of them is that they treat talking to me like a job interview. They pick a topic, such as my job, or an area of interest of mine and quiz and quiz me on it, picking up on anything that they don't agree with, making me justify myself, and just keep going. It feels like an attack. I think that they see it as normal conversation and enjoy it.

Thirdly, there will be people there who I haven't seen for a long time, and like many other women in their 50s, I have put on weight. I was thin as a child and much slimmer as a young woman, just feel like I will be judged. I also wouldn't be surprised if my appearance is commented on.

As I've said above, I am already feeling in panic mode about it all. I'm trying to think of ways to feel better, such as having my hair and nails done the day before, maybe having a style consultation and buying a new outfit. But it's on my mind the whole time. I realise how crazy I sound but I can't really discuss my feelings in real life (except to my DH and don't want to keep going in about it to him).

Does anyone have any advice?
I also wasn't sure where to post this!

I assume it is a wedding?

Ideally try and book a room at the venue to escape to. Pop down every one and a while and be seen.

If there are kids there offer to keep an eye on them.

Just avoid the person that interviews you. If they approach you just oh Sam I am just on my way to loo/bedroom/tell dh something and keep going.

You don't sound crazy. I think the hair/makeup/new outfit is a good idea for confidence (and perfume, the knowledge you smell great is very powerful) I know it's hard but you don't have to engage with people you don't like, even if they are quizzing you. I have a practised thin smile that I deploy and basically totally ignore questions I don't want to answer but at a busy gathering, the "oh there's so and so, must have a word", "so sorry but really need the loo" will give you a chance to escape.

Just don't worry to much about appearing rude, because they certainly won't!

You don't sound crazy at all!

PP's suggestion about offering to look after the kids is a good one. You could go armed with board games & play traditional party games with them - musical bumps, musical statues, Grandma's footsteps, sleeping lions etc.

As for the person who interrogates you, perhaps you could turn the tables & say something like 'I seem to be only talking about myself, enough about me - what's happening in your life these days?' & keep the questions going.

If, as PP suggests you have a room booked at or near the venue, you can always plead a headache & disappear when it all becomes too much for you.

I am certain that other people at the event will also have put on weight & aged so don't concern yourself about it. Easy to say, I know, but with your idea of having hair/nails etc done you will know that you're looking your best.

@purplecorkheart @NotthinglikeaBondGirl @Uricon2

Thank you all for responding and with such kindness and good suggestions. I love the looking after children idea, this works very well as I'm actually a teacher!

I'm going to have some responses to the 'interviewer' in my head, but I shouldn't worry about being rude. I actually find that as I get older I care far less about what people think anyway.

And I will definitely do the dress, hair, nails stuff.

You are all so kind, I'm actually welling up.