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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My relationships awful

1 reply

Justlivelovelaugheat · 12/02/2025 11:25

For context, DH and I have 2 young kids. The baby is nearly 1 and dd is nearly 3. I guess we were pretty naive to believe we could handle 2 under 2 by ourselves. God has it been hard. When dd started becoming a toddler is when it became impossible.

I understand all mothers take a hit after a baby but I just feel like it could be way better than this. I don’t know if I’m just blaming DH just to do it but I feel like his ruining my life! And that’s not an exaggeration.

His demanding businesses are flourishing. His really making a name for himself and will hopefully go on to be very successful. I don’t resent him for this but maybe subconsciously I do because it’s all come at my expense. I have to endure most of the hard parts by myself. When he is around us he complains all the time and makes me feel like we I am the most boring person on the planet. Him leaving is honestly a breath of fresh air.

Im a SAHM and many times his stopped me from working, rearranged his schedule so it’s impossible to do so, said he’d give me money from his business and still hasn’t. I have nothing and have to ask him for nice things to which he says I don’t need. I look a mess I have only got my hair done in 2 years once and my nails done twice. Never get any new clothes. He’d rather pay for anything else but my dental care which he says is too expensive just for teeth. I am in desperate need of it after 2 kids and when I try to book an appointment his always busy with work. Asking family is just as useless as asking him and my baby won’t take to a babysitter because his awfully shy.

I told him my self esteem was taking a major blow and while we are financially secure I’m extremely unhappy and feel awful about myself. I want to look nice. He makes a big deal if he doesn’t go to get a haircut every week and my hair is falling out from all the stress. I watch the kids everyday long hours without a break and he says “isnt it great I can work remote?” When no it isn’t because he still doesn’t help me. I haven’t seen friends in years because I can’t plan around his impossible schedule and the whole thing is set out so I can’t live with or without him. We never go on date nights or
have quality time so fair enough I might feel disconnecting from him and I have to be a bit more appreciative because of what he is building for our family. It’s so hard it really is. I don’t want to dislike him, I miss loving him.

Sorry for the rant I’m just so ashamed, humiliated and need an outlet to let out my anger. I feel so frustrated that I can’t better my life or practice self care. I only use the bathroom like twice a day because I can’t get a break from the kids sorry tmi.

OP posts:
username299 · 12/02/2025 11:37

Your husband sounds financially abusive. Parenting is team work. Your agreement was looking after the children and he works in order to financially support you all.

He's breaking his side of the bargain because he's refusing to financially support you and he isn't parenting his own children.

Treating you like a maid is immature and abusive. An adult pulls their weight and takes their responsibility seriously.

You shouldn't have to beg your husband for money to get a hair cut or see a dentist. You're married and entitled to a cut of the assets. I would see a solicitor, Rights of Women give free legal advice. Wikivorce has lots of information and the CABx website is also useful.

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