I’ve been with my husband for 15 years. We have kids together. We decided to open our marriage up and invite somebody in. The first six months were okay, but I decided it wasn’t for me. I told him I didn’t want this anymore, and I meant it. I went along with it for him—he knows this.
The woman we brought in ended up moving in with us, but I was just her friend, with no sexual interaction, as I had stopped it. He said he was attracted to her. He told her he loved her in bed and then retracted it. Things went sour.
To cut a long story short, we ended up splitting up. She moved out because of what the relationship had done to me—it affected me really badly, and he couldn’t see that. I was crying out for help, and he did nothing. I told him so many times that I didn’t want this relationship, but he didn’t listen. He was just bothered because he helped around the house a little, did some cleaning, and fed the kids, but I was the one taking her out everywhere—I was her glorified taxi.
In the end, I kicked him out because I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I couldn’t deal with the stress, with anything. Then he sends me a WhatsApp message in all capital letters saying he doesn’t want me, that it’s over. He didn’t even tell me face to face.
Six weeks into our separation, he sends me another message saying he’s getting into a relationship with her and looking for a house with her. So, I lost it. Now he’s being cold, won’t speak to me, but he’s still speaking to her. He says he’s not in a relationship, but when you’ve been told otherwise, you kind of believe it, don’t you?
I love him—I do. 15 years together, 7 years of marriage, and now this. I cheated on him, and he cheated on me. He watched me go downhill very quickly—I lost myself, my worth, my identity as a mom, everything. My emotions were so buried that I genuinely thought I didn’t have any.
Now, three months into our separation, he’s gone to America to help his brother because his brother’s baby passed away. I’ve been left alone again with our four kids—three of whom have autistic needs. This breakup has affected them really badly. They have seen me struggle and wanted to go through this as a family, regardless of everything that’s happened, regardless of the cheating on both ends.
He told me he doesn’t want me, doesn’t love me, doesn’t care about me, doesn’t ask about me—doesn’t give a s* what I do anymore. So why is he still watching me on the cameras? I saw my camera move the other day—I thought I was seeing things, but I wasn’t. He has access to them. He questions where I’m going, who I’m with, what I’m doing. But if I say I’m going out, he’ll tell me it’s none of his business. He’s blocked me, and now the only contact we have is via email.
I’ve gone to the doctor to sort myself out. He’s taken no responsibility for his part in this. He’s only ever been bothered about himself. Now he says he can see his life without me.
What do I do here? Do I just leave him and let him get on with it? Wait for him to divorce me—because he’d have to pay for it? I don’t even think he’s sexually attracted to her, because when we were together, there were things that made it clear he had issues in that area.
She’s lazy. She uses her mental health as an excuse for everything. She doesn’t work, isn’t ambitious, and she’s clingy. It’s always about her needs and what she wants. She doesn’t take things seriously—she just likes to jump in the car and f* off whenever she feels like it. That’s not me. I like to be responsible. I like to make sure things are done properly.
I don’t even understand what he sees in her, to be honest. But now I’m left wondering—do I try to fix my marriage after all this time, or do I just let him go? Do I just let him live the life he thinks he can have with her?
There’s a saying: The grass is greener on the other side, but in reality, her grass isn’t greener—it’s more like a brown, piss-colored mess.
I know what I can offer. I know my worth now. I’m a bubbly, kind-hearted person who will go out of my way for anyone. But this past year and a bit has been the worst time of my life. He’s never put me first. He said I was at the top of his list—but I can’t have been, can I?