I have little to no relationship with my family - toxic! I am the blacksheep

[trumpetdown]

Anyone the blacksheep out of their family / siblings?

Jealousy? Envy? What reasons does a daughter become a blacksheep?

I'm sick and tired of the toxic gossip about me and my little family.. no support, lack of warmth/ care..

It's sad actually as I feel I need a loving caring family.. and I don't have, I never have.. I can see how much it has impacted me and my choices..

How do I heal and move forward?

I'm currently not speaking to any of them for various toxic reasons..

Hi op. Since humans first existed some of us have found ourselves as the children of adults who lack empathy. I’ve had to find and make a family away from those I’m genetically related to. It turns out that we don’t magically become mature and nurturing when we have fertilised or had an egg fertilised. Society works very hard to conceal this obvious truth. Hence all the ‘she’s your Mother.’ And that shame you feel posting about your family? That’s the same mechanism most of us have had to fight through.

I’ve had to find and make a family away from those I’m genetically related to. My rules are simple, be accountable for any harm you inflict. If you can’t then you’re not part of my family.

same here! Never got much warmth from my own family. Or my ex’s family who looked down on me cause I’m just some immigrant girl.
But my partner’s family treat me like their own and fought for me tooth and nail when I was going through some Bad Shit.

I know how much it hurts, I really do, but you can’t change them. You’ll just have to build a loving unit of your own. 🩷

If they upset / bother you that much then move yourself away from them, they're not worth your energy. Life goes on......

I hear you, same here, OP - you aren't alone. Sadly, in my case at least, it's something that's gotten worse over time, not better.

I found Dr Ramani on YouTube who is a psychologist who specialises in explaining on how to deal with (and hopefully heal from) toxic and narcissistic people and families very helpful.

I love Dr Ramani. Second that recommendation OP, she has such a lovely conversational style and makes it all easy to understand.
Agree with the worse not better comment too Helena - toxic relationships in my family are beyond repair and I've finally realised it's time to go grey rock.
It's a sanity saver (not without pain and guilt, guilt, always guilt) to distance yourself and build your own new family OP.
But sympathies, lots of us know what you mean. It's not you, it's the dysfunctional system you grew up in xxx

Go no contact and move on with your own life. You don’t have to tolerate people treating you like crap just because you’re related. For me, it got to a point where I realised if my mum was a romantic partner, it would be a really unhealthy relationship and I would end it. So I did.

She does say horrible things about me to everyone she knows (so people have told me). But people who know me know the real story and don’t believe it. So her world is increasingly small. Do I care if she tells her new neighbour an entirely made up story about me? Not really. 🤷🏻‍♀️ She and her partner do the same about his dc and grandchildren as well (who are also all NC). Neither of them have any relationship with their children or grandchildren. They might talk shit about me, but I know people also must think that’s pretty weird and more than a little coincidental.

I’ve moved on and I don’t think about their drama much anymore. I’m focused on my own life and my dc and I’m much happier. What did it take to get here? Some therapy, cutting those ties (because otherwise the wound kept re-opening every time I talked to them), and sorting my own wellbeing out (I stopped drinking, I focused on my health, things I loved to do, my kids). We live in different countries, but if we lived nearby I would also have moved away and not told anyone where I went. As it is, no one in my family knows where I live.