Feel so alone and unwanted

[ByEagerAmberDreamer]

I have been married for 21 years this year. I’m 48 and for the past 15 years my husband has had no interest in having sex with me. He says that he has low libido but has been tested and results came back normal. I have secretly caught him chatting to other women on the internet and he also masterbates over them. I will walk into a room and he will quickly close the screen off the iPad. He has been doing this since we met about 24 years ago. I have spoken to him many times and he has promised that he won’t do it again but he does. He doesn’t kiss me or touch me. It’s like laying in bed with a stranger. I don’t feel married. I feel we are 2 friends living in the same house sharing the same bed. I feel so unwanted and so unloved, despite the fact he says that he does love me. He says he has low libido but yet he chats to these other women and is quite happy to masterbate over them. I’m at the point now where I think it’s time to end my marriage, but I just don’t know what to say or even start the conversation off. If I mention the other women that he’s been chatting to, he gets so defensive and says he hasn’t been chatting to them. When I know he has.

I wish I had something to say that would make you feel better. I didn’t want to read and run and I hope you find your path through this 💐

Don’t focus so much on a two way conversion, you can’t control what he says or how he reacts so just lay out pretty much what you’ve put in your post here and if he starts to get defensive or deny it just say well that’s how I experience our marriage, this is how I feel and you denying it doesn’t change that.
besides physical touch how is he emotionally with you? Do you feel connected? I’m guessing not xx

Sometimes it can feel like the auto-response on MN can be 'LTB' which is sometimes unjustified and I feel reluctant to join with - but realistically, you don't have a marriage? He has shown you for (more than) long enough that he's not interested, his only interest is this online fantasy life that he's not even willing to admit to, let alone change. You're 48, not 68 - Don't waste more of your life, time, energy on someone who doesn't deserve it. You'll find there's someone out there who does deserve it more.

You know you want to leave him. That's all you need to know. He doesn't need to agree. He's prioritised his own happiness and what he wants for years. It's time that you did the same for yourself.

He chooses nameless women over an intimate relationship with his wife. He does that despite knowing it hurts his wife. That's enough to know where you stand.

Just tell him that you'll no longer accept him doing that. Talk to a lawyer first so you know where you stand. And don't be talked out of it. If he'd wanted to change he'd have done it a long time ago. If he promises to change when you say you're leaving, he's doing it for the wrong reasons, and he will only 'change' for long enough to get you to stay.

You deserve better.

To be honest OP I don't know how you've coped for 15 years without him taking any interest in you, he is beyond cruel stringing you along whilst carrying out his own fantasises. Life is too short to suffer this, get rid and start living!

He has been doing this for 24 years since you first met.

Why did you carry on seeing him? Why did you marry him? Why are you still there?

He's obviously a dick for behaving like this but you have accepted it for 24 years.

So your husbands a wanker.You have two choices put up with it or leave and live the life you deserve and be happy

I didn’t know he was doing it throughout until a couple of years ago when I asked and he admitted it. He says that he only talks to them as he has nobody else to talk to. I asked to see the messages and he won’t show me. (I’m not stupid). If he had nothing to hide then he would show me the messages. I can guarantee that he won’t be using his picture or real name to these women.

You should have left 15 years ago.

I had a new born at that time plus a 7 year old so wouldn’t have been easy.