Heart broken

[myothercarisaskoda]

Please help me through this. I miss him so much but there's no going back, how do I get over it?

Absolutely! Welcome!
Must have gone through this 6 or 7 times with mine. Sigh.

Two weeks is a good start. I usually find at the end of week three I have more energy to do new things and go out and about.

How were you by the end of a month last time? 💐🥀🌷

It took me about 8 months of feeling like shit, the rose tinted glasses fell off and I’m now like wtf was I doing 😬😅

I'd like to think I've learned some lessons but I also give people the benefit of the doubt and question my judgement far too much

I feel this. It's not even been a week for me yet. 10 years married and two kids. I feel like I'm going to feel like this forever

My worse ever break up in 2013
Absolutely floored me
Took years to recover from
It was only a 15 month relationship but even the break down of my marriage was a breeze compared to that
So I know I'll be ok this time
I saw it coming a mile off this time which makes all the difference

If this is how you feel after a relationship ends, then don't get into any more. I have really bad personality disorder which causes me to get upset over breaking up so i just don't date anymore. Single and widowed women live longer anyway.

I have a folder on my pc called 'never get married' and its filled with stories from mumsnet. Is this forum not enough to convince you that you're better off without a bloke messing everything up?

What a head fuck! All the best to you.
I had a few minor tears first thing but today I've felt more myself and have laughed for the first time in ages.

Keep going!! And all the best.
Who was it that broke it off and who instigated getting back together?

Can I join? Ended a very short and intense relationship on New Year's Day and still struggling. I know I did the right thing, especially now I've heard he's now with his female "friend" - he was definitely after a nanny with a Fanny as seems incapable of entertaining his own kids 🤣 I should be relieved but just really feel like there's a bug hole in my life at the moment. Started a new job last week so that's positive and taking my son for a city break over half term. Will just take time I guess. sending hugs to all those struggling today xx

27 years for me..I'm almost 3 weeks in since I caught him cheating. I feel thr same. Today seems to be the worst day so far.

I'm sorry 😢 it'll get easier (which people kept saying to me but it didn't help and I wouldn't believe it) I'm starting to feel better now and I'm sure you will. X

Big hugs ❤️

Isn't that just a normal reaction to being dumped by the man you're so in love with? I think mist people would react like that.
🤔

I was still feeling really sad and missing him. But he messaged and we tried again (including couples counselling). This time, it needed to end as we weren't communicating. He is quite avoidant and instead of trying to share how he was feeling, he ended it by text. I'm tired of trying to make it work.

He broke it off both times, and we both tried to make it work.

hey OP, how are you? I'm hanging in there, nearly caved today but I know it won't work out. Sending you strength too x

Hi there OP how are you keeping? This is now day 3 for me of no contact. It's hurting like hell, but then I realise he hasn't bothered contacting me and so it's keeping me strong (for now at least!) xx

@SpreadYourWingsAndFly @QueenBakingBee
I'm doing OK thank you. It's been awful but I'm finally getting used to my new routine and the pain has faded.
Both of you keep going, things will ease.
What has helped you? X

Glad to hear it's easing up for you.
I think for me I've had to actively stop myself from pain shopping - i.e. not re-reading old messages, skipping songs that come on that remind me of him etc. Also, we used to have a call every night before bed to talk about our day - this is when I feel the most rubbish now. So I try and change up the routine during that time.

I am glad to hear you are doing better and that the pain has faded.

I have deleted all messages, and if I find myself reaching for the phone to text I will try and distract myself, I have woken up today feeling slightly more positive which is a good thing! And I actually had breakfast, usually if I have things on my mind I struggle to eat x

Firstly, big hugs to you - this stuff is sh*t and I can honestly say that hand on heart.

17th Aug I caught ex husband having cheated (military), saw all the red flags wks before hand (being distant, taking more pride in appearance, talking about different dating apps, love languages etc) He became good friends with another military woman whilst away for work, ex MH nurse, and they developed a rapport - she was helping him with some difficulties and they'd go off into the woods together to talk at night. I warned him of where his friendship was headed, made it explicit if he cheated our marriage was over. Zero remorse or fs given when I caught and confronted him, no emotion whatsoever.

I left in November, was in therapy for 4 months (ended up nearing a breakdown through trying to stay for DD, covering up what had happened, working full time, zero support network, and just trying to process what he'd done/his behaviour toward me)

Despite all this, I blame myself. Yes bought sex toys to spice things up, yes I tried to be and do all the things he needed/wanted to be happy. I knkw logically I am most definitely not to blame, but yes, there are times I miss the selfish pr*ck, or at least the romanticised version of him I've created. I even think, muppet that I am, that I still love him in some way (not enough to believe he was sorry, we could fix things, it was a mistake, wasn't a conscious choice - he just didn't say no, she took advantage of him, I was just waiting 10-15 years for him to do this so I'd have a reason to walk away, and my personal favourite - we'd only had sex 4 times in 7 months) but yes, I do name myself some times and some times I even think I still love him, am gripped with physical pain of hurt from what he's done.

I think it's normal to think/feel those things, but they aren't your sole reality - after all you've got a very good, or lots of very good reasons for it to be over. Those are very very valid.

It gets easier, I'm not a professional but my advice would be feel what you feel, get outside every day, play music (I sing loudly and badly as I run to inappropriate sweary angry break up songs😁), make plans and be kind to yourself - it's a process and unfortunately there's no time line, it's different for everyone. ❤️