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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner not valuing my free time

1 reply

Charlotte390 · 09/02/2025 18:50

I was supposed to have a couple of hours to myself this evening, because my partner has spent both mornings (around 4 hours each day) of the weekend doing his hobbies out of the house, and I've been looking after our 6 month old. He works at home during the week, and is very involved with her, but I look after her full time. He helps a lot with cooking evening meals which I appreciate, but by the time he's finished work I usually get a couple of nights a week to go for a run but that's about it for free time for me. He takes the baby for a couple of hours each morning so I can get some more sleep because I deal with the night wakes, which there are a lot of at the moment. After I take the baby to bed at 9ish each night he tidies the kitchen and has some time to himself. (In short, he's not an asshole in general about sharing the chores). Today we met some friends after he had been out, but we got invited to our landlords grandchild's birthday party at the last minute and my partner is angry that I didn't want to go because I want some time for myself. He thinks I'm being disrespectful to them as they have been kind to us, but I think he's being disrespectful to me, and as his partner I should come first. We only got home at 6.30pm and I wanted to feed our baby as she started solids this week and I want to be consistent. He got very angry that I'm being rude and doesn't seem to understand why I am upset. I feel the way he spoke to me was totally unacceptable and he seems to be valuing being polite to the landlord more than respecting my time. Am I being unreasonable??! I find it tricky to convey to him because he has hobbies such as mountain biking and surfing, whereas mine are less linear and more creative, and sometimes I literally just want to sit on my own for a bit, but we've had that conversation before and he's said we could set time aside for me.
(Sorry bit of a stream of consciousness rant here)

OP posts:
Lost20211 · 09/02/2025 19:40

You are not being unreasonable.

Regardless of how well balanced chores and things may be, your right to free time is equally as important as his. It seems unbalanced. He got 8 hours for his hobbies but you can’t get a couple hours?

I’d be concerned about him displaying anger when you’re communicating your needs.

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