Last year my ExH decided to take residency of our then 9 year old DC without asking me or going to court (we already had a CAO in place for residency for me and visitation for him). DC is now 10 almost 11.
I battled through the courts to get DC home, DC wanted to be home with me. ExH stopped all contact between us, told school he had serious concerns for DCs safety with me and told DC that I’d threatened to kill myself in front of them. I do have some health issues which cause me anxiety but I’d never harm myself, and definitely not in front of DC.
Long story short it took 4 hearings but DC was reunited with me, ExHs visitation was halfed and what he does have is now subject to him being arrested if DC is not returned to me. He’s already tried to keep hold of DC twice, the first time I only threatened to call the police so ExH returned to me, the second time I actually had to and ExH was arrested and charged with breech of a court order and controlling and coercive behaviour towards an ex-partner.
During all if this my parents and siblings decided that ExH was in the right to keep hold of DC, that I had in fact threatened to harm myself in front of DC, that I was a danger to DC and I’ve always used DC as a weapon to point score with – this was because I refused to let my parents take DC out of school for two weeks to go abroad without me. I was happy to go on holiday with them during the school holidays and bring DC with me, and pay for mine and DCs places and the difference in their costs between term time and school holidays – my parents thought I was disgusting. DC has a medical condition which has to be closely monitored so often only has around 85% attendance at school, so I was risking a fine for the holiday which I could neither afford nor did I want DC out of the country away from me for two weeks. ExH doesn’t believe DC has this medical condition and my family believe him even now. They also said I’d made up domestic and sexual assault against ExH and convinced the police to charge him – he has 8 separate charges from our relationship and now 2 more since we separated. They’ve told ExH that I’ve made my health conditions sound worse than they are, and the HCPs treating me are rubbish and don’t know what they’re talking about – they also found my old diaries from when I was a teen and showed these to ExH to prove that I’ve always been unhinged and a liar (thankfully these where thrown out of court as dairies/journals are allowed to be private and confidential in the same way medical evidence is and it’s up to me if I share them!)
Parents especially are asking me to forgive them, they said they were stressed and upset over the situation, were trying to be on DCs side and that they don’t deserve to be punished by losing contact with their grandchild over it – DC is the only grandchild.
For context parents have form for changing sides when it suits them, they often played me and my siblings against each other, would play favourites with us (I was rarely the favourite) and told me I would be an awful parent when they found out I was pregnant, said I was great once DC came along and ExH and I were forever, then hated on ExH for 3 years after we split because he hurt me so it’s no surprise they chose ExH over me, but I don’t think I can or should forgive?
Tell me I’m not being silly or overly anxious about this? I keep getting messages from extended family telling me that I’m putting a lot of pressure on my parents, using my DC as a weapon against them and I’ll be sorry if one of them dies without having seen DC again.