What do you do when you have nowhere to go

[ellelilly]

Hi,

I was just wondering what other people have done, I have no one in real life to talk this through with.

We have a small child in primary. Own a house. I earn 32k a year. Now my issue is where do I go? My relationship has got to the point where I don't think it can carry on.
We pay 50% of bills each but I pay for everything else always have done even when he was earning almost 20k more than me. Example need a new bed I would buy it, new sofa, new wardrobe etc. he never has a spare money, blames his ADHD.
I deal with all the house work 95% of it anyway. I deal with the mental load of everything apart from school drop offs. I do pick ups. He has stopped brushing his teeth. I have given up trying to talk to him about how emotionally he is not there for me at all, we don't cuddle, we don't kiss. We have sex about once every 2 months. He is not a bad guy, he is a brilliant dad he is always playing with them. But partner wise I feel like I am a mother to two children.

My point is how does this end? I can't afford to rent a place and pay the mortgage. My parents both live in tiny houses that have no space for us and or are 40+ minutes away from the school. I don't know if he will move out to his mums until we sell. I just wondered if there was something I'm missing here. Or how others have dealt with this?

He leaves the house and not you because you pay for everything and you have a child. His needs don't trump your child's regardless of whether he has ADHD or not. This is a non negotiatable, call women's aid who can advise you on the details.

Agree with PP.

You pay for and do for most of the work, and you have a child. He should leave.

He should leave but if you co own he has as much legal right to remain as you do. Do you have a spare room he could have till it sells?

Get the house on the market, or see if you can get a mortgage to buy him out.

We stayed living in the same house until it sold.
Luckilly we were amicable. Still hard though

If he's not abusive separate your lives and put the house on the market.

Get the divorce proceedings started.

He has been abusing you financially.
Get on to Women's aid for advice, its over.

We arnt married, we have only been here under a year. I feel like a failure. There is a spare bedroom that could be used. It's an office at the minute.

Have you spoken to him about your relationship, and things like him not brushing his teeth?
Do you think he’d go to counselling? Do you actually want to put it right, or are you done?
You’re not a failure, just make sure you live life to the full and don’t stay for the kids

I have spoken to him so many times over the years that I have to admit I have kind of given up which I know isn't right. He says his parents were never bothered about teeth brushing. But I just highlight the fact that he's in his 30's he's not a child. An adult should be able to brush their teeth and clean a house without needing "tell me what to do"
I would go to therapy but again I'd be paying for it as he's not got a lot of work at the moment barely enough to cover the bills. The resentment just builds. I never wanted my child to have two homes I had that growing up and it was awful for me personally. I am not close to my parents, his family are my family. They are truly lovely people that even the thought of losing them hurts.