Do men get a better deal from blended families than women?

[CactusSammy]

Lighthearted - just curious of others experiences really.

I have 2 kids, and have been single for a very long time. Been on a few dates previously, but the men I have met just seem to want someone to look after their kids at the weekend while they laze around. They also seem to be looking for someone to wash their pants and make their dinners, and generally don't want to bring anything to the table.

Im really not up for any of that, and would rather stay single (unless of course the man in question is Chris Hemsworth, then it would be a whole other thread! 🤣).

Perhaps I've been unlucky, and obviously it isnt all men, but that's my experience, and many of my friends say the same thing.

So, do blended families really work, and do men get a better deal from them than women?

From reading on mn it seems like men generally do get the better deal . Threads on here have certainly put me off ever blending families if anything happened my marriage or dh.

Yes, I often think men are looking for a free live in nanny and cook. The way to weed them out early on is to make it clear you are interested in a relationship but will definitely not be moving in for a long time, at least not until the youngest is 18. of course if you fall in love and he treats you well you can move in when you are certain of his character, just asserting your boundaries early is a good way of checking what he's really after.

Well it's a case of natural selection. Something like 70-80% of devices are initiated by women. The single dads are more likely to be the ones who couldn't make relationships last because they were feckless and lazy and didn't do their fair share. The involved/loyal fathers who give a shit will be more likely to still with the mother of their children.

Invariably yes.

If you're not being forced to do any of those things then surely it's a choice.

There's no way on God's green earth I'm running around after some bloke and his children.

Probably yes.
But I think that this is partly inevitable as, in most cases, women do more of the childcare, housework etc. And, whilst there are a number of reasons for relationships to end, "not pulling their weight" is a factor in many and I don't think having another women involved in your life would immediately change that.
But I would also say MN isn't representative of this. This is a site primarily used by women and you tend to post if you are dissatisfied with a situation rather than satisfied. DS had a football match this morning and one of his team mate's step-dad's was there as he is for every Sunday match and every mid-well and Saturday training session and has been for years. How wife (a friend of mine) isn't going to be complaining.

Yes, because they don't deal with most of the issues or anywhere near 50% of the work.

Erm of course they do. That goes without saying... it's still a mans' world, unfortunately, enabled by women who are "mens" women"! No point in anyone pretending otherwise!

Hmmm, I don't know, actually.

I've seen lots of posts where new DH fully financially supports children from new DWs first family (who usually live with them), whilst also paying CMS and his children being relegated to the sofa or the the box room when they are there whilst wife's children that he's supporting get the biggest and the best rooms funded by their new step dad.

I think there are so many different set ups that it's hard to really say, but if I was to generalise based on posts I've seen here, and what I've experienced IRL, I'd say that quite often the woman benefits financially, but the man benefits in terms of someone looking after kids/doing housework/mental load etc. But that's of course very much a generalisation and every situation is different. (and it generally just reflects the gender patterns that generally do still exist across society today where the men tend to end up in the "provider" role and the women tend to end up in the "carer" role)

With anything to do with marriages and parenting men get the better deal.

The only 50/50 parenting set ups I know of that work well are ones where the fathers have provided another mother for the children, because 9 times out of 10 he’s incapable of doing the job.

If the women allow it, yes.

When I met my DH I made it 100% clear that I would not be parenting or looking after his children. I would not be a substitute mother.

I think he assumed I’d change my mind, as now, 5 years later, he goes over to their mums to see them on a Sunday, instead of having them over here for the weekends etc which he used to do.

My DH and I will be divorcing soon, and I’ll never date someone with children again.

I'm not sure if this is the norm - but my DH does more childcare/housework than me (and earns more) and if I ever divorced and remarried I would dump anyone who expected me to look after their kids.

we all know.. men get a better deal from relationships full stop, compared to women.

My DH moved in with me after we were engaged and helped me to raise my youngest DS. He doesn't have any DC of his own but he's been and still is a wonderful step-dad to my DC. Now they are adults he helps them extensively with DIY on their houses, teaching them new skills, has shown them how to service their own cars, goes to the odd cinema or curry trip with my youngest DS about 5 or 6 times a year. He's been an amazing grandad to my 2 DGC too. I just wished I made a better choice the first time round. In my view I've certainly had the better of the deal.

Yes, but I think it follows that men get a better deal generally whether the set up is blended or otherwise.