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Original poster

Thoughts on one person in a relationship retiring….

11 replies

MinnieMouse101 · 08/02/2025 17:59

How would you feel if your husband decided to retire approximately 12 years early but you had to continue working? Somebody I know is in this situation. Her husband retired and she had to take on extra hours/responsibility at work to make ends meet. He also has a fondness for very expensive cars and holidays which presumably she has to pay for. She insists she’s fine with this set up but it would drive me MAD!

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 08/02/2025 18:04

Maybe she likes her job and is fine with it?

Why do you care?

PointySnoot · 08/02/2025 18:06

I used to work with someone whose wife did this to him. It put a huge strain on their marriage as he wasn't in good health and had wanted to drop to part time, but had to keep working FT because she decided to retire. Apparently she'd kept it quiet and only told him she was finishing work a couple of weeks before doing so. He was very unhappy and bitter about it.

It's the kind of life change that needs a joint discussion and agreement. Particularly if the person retiring is going to be dependent on the other person carrying on working.

category12 · 08/02/2025 18:09

If she's OK.with it, then there's no problem.

But if they can't really afford for him to retire, it doesn't seem particularly fair or sensible. Unless he's got health issues.

I don't think I would like the other person retiring early unless their pension was funding them.( I'd probably still be a bit envious even if it was 😂) Health issues aside.

Berlinlover · 08/02/2025 18:13

My partner is 69 and I’m 48. He had just retired when we met five years ago.

Original poster
MinnieMouse101 · 08/02/2025 18:14

PointySnoot · 08/02/2025 18:06

I used to work with someone whose wife did this to him. It put a huge strain on their marriage as he wasn't in good health and had wanted to drop to part time, but had to keep working FT because she decided to retire. Apparently she'd kept it quiet and only told him she was finishing work a couple of weeks before doing so. He was very unhappy and bitter about it.

It's the kind of life change that needs a joint discussion and agreement. Particularly if the person retiring is going to be dependent on the other person carrying on working.

That’s the thing - he’s now financially dependant on her. She has a very stressful job and works all hours while he’s at home. A few years ago when she was on mat leave she was really struggling financially but he just let her struggle and didn’t help her out at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
MinnieMouse101 · 08/02/2025 18:16

category12 · 08/02/2025 18:09

If she's OK.with it, then there's no problem.

But if they can't really afford for him to retire, it doesn't seem particularly fair or sensible. Unless he's got health issues.

I don't think I would like the other person retiring early unless their pension was funding them.( I'd probably still be a bit envious even if it was 😂) Health issues aside.

He hasn’t got any health issues - he just didn’t want to work any more

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 08/02/2025 18:16

MinnieMouse101 · 08/02/2025 18:14

That’s the thing - he’s now financially dependant on her. She has a very stressful job and works all hours while he’s at home. A few years ago when she was on mat leave she was really struggling financially but he just let her struggle and didn’t help her out at all.

Show quote history

Time to return the favour and cut him off. If he can’t afford to retire then he finds himself a job.

Billydavey · 08/02/2025 18:19

Depends on their ages
of one partner is older it’s equally unfair to expect them to carry on working until the younger one is ready to retire

WilmaTitsDrop · 08/02/2025 18:19

Berlinlover · 08/02/2025 18:13

My partner is 69 and I’m 48. He had just retired when we met five years ago.

This is in no way similar though.

Original poster
MinnieMouse101 · 08/02/2025 18:20

Billydavey · 08/02/2025 18:19

Depends on their ages
of one partner is older it’s equally unfair to expect them to carry on working until the younger one is ready to retire

He is older than her but was nowhere near retirement age when he stopped working.

OP posts:
category12 · 08/02/2025 18:28

Billydavey · 08/02/2025 18:19

Depends on their ages
of one partner is older it’s equally unfair to expect them to carry on working until the younger one is ready to retire

OP did say he retired about 12 years early, so it's not a case of him being expected to work on beyond retirement age. Which would be unfair.

But unless you can afford to retire early because you're independently wealthy or have really good package, then it's a bit off to decide to retire expecting your spouse to pick up the financial burden. Unless they agree to it and are happy to do so.

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