So do you think asking DH to sleep in the spare room permanently would be the nail in the coffin of our marriage???!(sorry long)

[bossybritches]

MY DH & I have been married for 16 years & sleeping together for over 18. He has always done shift work & therefore is no stranger to the spare room as it means HE doesn't wake me up at stupid o'clock getting in to bed & I don't disturb hin when my alarm goes off barely 4 hours later.Neither of us are the sort that needs to have another body nearby to sleep, even in our lovey dovey days we'd cuddle up & then as we fell asleep turn away, we can't bear to be hot & close to each other when sleeping.

my problem is this- I have been a bad sleeper all our married life & when the kids were little & we went through the musical beds stage I got used to cat-napping & getting by on very little. Now the DD's are older & barring the odd illness or nightmare (another story) we get undisturbed nights. Or rather HE does!! He has always snored gently if on one side, but usually a nudge turns him over. However I find I REALLY sleep well when he's on nights or in the other room & increasingly I find myself getting annoyed at his being in our bed which I know is unreasonable.

Would it be the end of our marriage do you think if I asked him to move out (of our bed)permanently? I wouldn't hurt him for the world but the lack of good quality sleep is now showing & making me ill. (& yes I've tried all sorts of alternatives!)

I think it would be wonderful (we have no spare room). Undisturbed sleep...bliss. And if a LO needed to be in bed with you because they were ill/had nightmares, no upheaval to anyone. And I think it's quite an erotic and appealing idea to invite your OH to your room when you wanted some interaction

When I read the thread title I thought yes it would but after reading your post i don't think it needs to be the end. My health comes before most things tbh and I can';t cope with lack of sleep.

What about seperate beds and ear plugs for you instead of seperate rooms?

What does your dh think?

sounds very civilized- the Queen does it and they have 4 children!

Sleeping apart does not mean not having sex or a cuddle, but maybe you will have to be more imaginative over where and when.

It won't be quite so sponaneous, as you aren't in bed together, but that might not be bad thing.

Asking him to move out might sound a little harsh, but could you suggest that you move into the spare room?

You'd still get the utter heaven of a good night, and he hopefully wouldn't feel pushed out.

That's what we do, and I go and get in 'our bed' in the morning, and DD comes and joins us, and we have a cup of tea together before we get going, though obviously you wouldn't be able to do that when he's working nights.

My marriage would be over if I did have to share a bed with the incredible snoring, roasting hot man that I'm married to, so sep beds has saved our relationship!

My dh has been in the spare room for a couple of months since ds2 was born as it seemed silly for both of to be kept awake half the night and as i'm b-feeding it's not like he can be of any help.

I have to admit I love having the bed to myself and am sleeping so much better without him there. DS2 is now only waking once at night for feeds so it's probably about time dh returned but well I'm not pushing for it

Bless him though I've got a superking to myself and he's on a shite tesco value mattress

We usually sleep separately (due to snoring) but share beds on weekends or I get back in from the spare room when I can hear he's not snoring. it's done us no harm and we are both far less stroppy when we get a good nights sleep. (I keep him awake if i can't kep still/ settle down!!)

Twin beds same room maybe.
Have you tried a bigger bed.

Have you tried two singel beds pushed together but made up separately and two singel duvets. In my expereince sharing a duvet is a far bigger problem than sharing a bed.

My mum and her husband had separate bedrooms for years due to their increasingly different sleep habits and it worked out fine for them. If he agrees with you it stands every chance of working but if he doesn't he is going to feel very rejected. Think you would have to talk for a long time about how it would work or trial it for a couple of weeks.

I was reading somewhere that high-end houses in the US are increasingly built with his&hers separate suites so I guess it's fairly common.

wow thanks for the quick reponses gang, I posted this in my lunch break thinking I'd not get a reply till tonight!!

Batters I've tried all sorts of potions & lotions/ear plugs/extra blankets/less bkankets to help me sleep/him stop snoring. ( he's not that bad but intermittant) The worst thing I've found is his tendancy to suddenly & violently turn over in bed making a big huffing, puffing noise,which doesn't wake him up at ALL but by the times he's snuggled down agian I'm WIDE awake!!

Kew & Wings have got 2 beds pushed together started off our married life like that when we coudn't afford a double & now we like different mattresses as I like a firmer one.

I think I shall bring up the subject & maybe as MissB says I shall move out. ...trouble is I love all my bits around me & would have to move them too!!(selfish cow)

Don't mean to pick holes, but you have gone from him sleeping in another room now and again to wanting him to do it permanently. If you think the idea might upset him, why don't you suggest you do a 2 month trial run, so you can catch up on some sleep and maybe review when you feel a little less sleep-deprived? You might both enjoy the privacy, and so a permanent agreement won't seem such a harsh thing to suggest to him afterwards?

Littlewoman that is a good idea -a trial run isn't so final is it?

Thanks.

We have seperate beds pushed together, my dh tosses and turns but I don't feel him tossing and turning, but I do hear him SNORE!!!!! AAGGGGHHHHHH gets on my nerves aswell.

If I had a spare room dh or myself would be there like a shot.

We even bought a bed settee for downstairs, but I ended up going downstairs to still tell him to shut up!